Kool Aid Man Really Wanted To Catch That Foul Ball

Your morning roundup for Aug. 23, the day they found a lot of semen in a fancy hotel room. H/T to bigsombrero for the photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

What we watched: Mike Tirico requesting that "somebody pick up Major Wright's jock." No, really.

[h/t to Donny for the video]

No one shuts down Sidney Crosby ...: "CTV News reported Monday that Crosby suspended his training after suffering a recurrence of concussion-like symptoms and wouldn't be ready when the Penguins open training camp next month. … 'Sidney hasn't been shut down by anyone. He has simply adjusted his summer program accordingly to the different needs for the appropriate recovery,' Crosby's agent Pat Brisson said. 'Training camp is in three weeks from now. It is too premature to speculate all kinds of deliberate information at his point. ...'" [ ESPN]

... except maybe this guy: "Why would Crosby risk an invalid's life in order to return to a game he has already conquered? His trophy case is full. He has a championship ring and an Olympic gold medal. He's been league MVP, leading scorer and the consensus best player in the game. He's only 24 and his hall-of-fame bonafides are beyond questioning. His material needs are settled for a dozen lifetimes." [ Toronto Star]

Auburn-Alabama is way more entertaining off the field: "An Auburn fan suggested that one way to find out who owned the car would be to intentionally drive into Richardson's vehicle. (If Alabama and Auburn fans ever put the mental energy they put into the rivalry in to worthwhile projects, it's possible the national debt would be erased in a matter of weeks.) If that direction surprises you then you haven't ever spent any time on message boards. Remember back when talk radio was considered a cesspool? The dark corners of Internet message board life make talk radio seem like a mid-day stroll in a well-kept garden. Where did the idea to poison Toomer's Corner originate? On message boards. Which brings us to this, did someone intentionally drive his 18 wheeler into Mark Ingram's car already?" [ Outkick the Coverage]

Your Dog Playing Golf Interlude (via Super Booyah):

How has this injury not happened to a Mets player before?: "In a bizarre episode, a moth got stuck deep in [Matt] Holliday's right ear, forcing the St. Louis Cardinals star to walk off the field while the Los Angeles Dodgers batted in the eighth inning Monday night. With two outs, Holliday called time in left field and started toward the dugout holding his ear. Cardinals trainer Barry Weinberg met Holliday and tried to help. ‘He had a moth fly into his ear, deep into his ear. I don't even know what happened to it,' St. Louis manager Tony La Russa said moments after his team's 2-1 loss." [ AP]

We are all Dave McKenna CC: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "The Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel lawsuit gets its unconditional release.

Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future here, and Magary's The Postmortal here. Now do it.