Sometimes, we just don't have to say anything, other than, well, this must have been what Michael Jordan had in mind when he drafted him.

In a police report, Alexander Martinez said he left his 30th birthday celebration at about 1:45 a.m. Saturday with an uneaten 2-by-2-foot birthday cake and walked north toward the Blue 32 nightclub. Martinez told police he first came upon Lakers forward Ronny Turiaf, who he said agreed to pose for a photograph with him and the chocolate cake. But outside of a club the 6-foot-11, 270-pound Brown came along, grabbed the cake and threw it at Martinez, according to the report. Brown got into a white limousine and left, Martinez claimed in the report, although he didn't suggest any reason for the cake toss.

Martinez reported that he then walked up to Lamar Odom as the Lakers forward left Pedone's Pizza and confronted him about the cake, which was splattered on the birthday man's back.

We can't imagine what Brown might have wanted with a poor guy's 30th birthday cake โ€” though we point out, Mr. Martinez, that a grown man isn't supposed to have a cake for his 30th birthday; he's supposed to have a threesome โ€” but we love the comedy of errors that ensues when a bunch of Lakers have street altercations with pastry. Remember when everyone thought Lamar Odom was gonna be a disciplinary problem? This must have been what they were talking about!

Oh, and poor Kobe: No matter how many points he scores, his teammates still just won't invite him out anywhere.


Lakers' Brown Takes The Cake, But Won't Be Prosecuted [ESPN]