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Last Night's Winner: Newark

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the people of New Jersey's shooting-est city, who managed to make it an entire month without getting murdered. This is actually an accomplishment in Newark.

March marked the first time in 40 years that a full calender month elapsed without a homicide in the city of Newark. Yes, it's sad that this is a moment worth celebrating, but that doesn't mean it's not worth celebrating. If you remember reading this story about how Newark police never solve murders, because everybody who witnesses one just gets murdered, then you'll know why. That was just three years ago. This is a big fucking deal, as the kids say.


Thirteen more days of not killing each other and they can set a record, which would be nice. They're even solving murders from 30 years ago. It's not exactly crime-free yet, but things are heading in the right direction. They still have the same number of killings this year as the Nets have wins this season, but that's more of a basketball problem now. Moving downtown to the Prudential Center this fall, could actually help the turnaround of both parties.

But it won't save Jimmy Hoffa since the FBI will not dig throught the rubble of Giants Stadium to see if he's still sleeping there. Man, the FBI is just no fun.

The only possible downside to this non-murder trend is that they become a city of people who can't be killed and then you know ... War of the Undead. Which is still kinda cool, when you think about it.

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