Last Night's Winner: The Chicago Way

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the dueling old point guards, who finally gave folks a reason to care about the Bulls. Just in time for them to get fired.

According to Yahoo! Sports, Chicago VP John Paxson shoved Vinny Del Negro after a game last month, because the coach had exceeded a medically imposed limit on the playing time of Joakim Noah. (They considered brawling over the color of the paint in the team showers, but that dispute was deemed "not boring enough.") Neither man would confirm the shoving, but the team has reportedly hired independent lawyers to investigate. Hot stuff.

The timing could not be more perfect, since the Bulls have just one game left in their sad, disappointing season. (Their best scorer right now? Rasheed Wallace.) After getting everyone's hopes up with that near-upset of the Celtics last year, the Bulls have improved zero games in '09-10 and everyone is patiently waiting for Del Negro to get the axe. Starting fights with your employees isn't a great way for Paxson to secure his own employment either. Thanks to this news, the eyes of the whole basketball world are now laser-focused on this team as the most crucial moment of the year approaches.

So the way I see it, there are basically two possible scenarios. The team flames out against Charlotte tonight (and Toronto beats the Knicks), choking away the final playoff spot and every one is sent packing from a franchise in disarray. Or they rally 'round "the family," storm into the playoffs with a chip on their shoulder, and push the unstoppable Cavs to the brink of elimination in a dramatic Game 7. They lose anyway, but gain just enough sympathy to save everybody's job and start the cycle of mediocrity anew. Both options will leave fans reaching for the Pepto.

Hey, at least Derrick Rose is still alive. He's kind of exciting.