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LeBron Will Find His Extra Playmaker In The Toilet

Photo credit: Tony Dejak/AP

The Cleveland Cavaliers lost again last night, to the shit-ass Dallas Mavericks, dropping to 7-8 in January. LeBron’s fed up! With Charles Barkley, for one thing, but also and more importantly, with not having any reliable playmakers on the bench who can take some pressure off of him and Kyrie Irving so that they can sit down sometimes without immediately surrendering a 24-3 run.

He made his feelings known a week ago, after a loss to the extremely cruddy Anthony Davis-less New Orleans Pelicans, calling out the Cavs’ front office for having assembled a thin, unimproved roster while the league’s other heavyweight team(s) stocked up and got better. Now ESPN’s Chris Haynes is reporting that the Cavs will attempt to address this via a simultaneously sad and hilarious mega-workout tomorrow for such luminary old free-agent bozos as Mario Chalmers, Kirk Hinrich, Lance Stephenson, and “a few other free-agent prospects.” Y’know, to find the playmaker who will give their second unit some spark. I wonder if they got Josh Childress on the horn!


Kidding aside, uh, wait, never mind, there’s actually not much left once you put aside the kidding. This is pretty funny. I like to imagine LeBron sending these busted old jamokes a group text: “Which one of you pieces of shit wants a fucking job? Come to Cleveland tomorrow by 3:00 and bring some shoes.” I bet he only invited Mario Chalmers so he could yell at him for being a doofus one last time. I bet this is the most embarrassing day of DeAndre Liggins’s life.

I look forward to friggin’ Norris Cole winning this competition and then hanging 27 points on the Wizards in a playoff game.


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