Well, there it was in all its glory. The much-anticipated mess of viscous white goop rained down upon the cap of South Carolina’s head coach, Shane Beamer, following his victory over North Carolina in what commentators called “the highest stakes bowl game outside of the college football playoff.” That is, of course, the Duke’s Mayo Bowl.
It turns out that there is an acceptable way to do corporate sponsorship without being completely terrible, and Duke’s Mayo found it. While the Gamecocks were running all over their neighbors to the north on the field in a game that ended 38-21, ESPN’s Mike Golic, Jr. and Anish Shroff provided the commentary of a lifetime from the booth, with one-liner gems coming out of commercial breaks such as “pour some mayo on me, baby,” and “I dream of food that we could dump out of those buckets and say, ‘why not?’” (And, of course, the “highest stakes” comment).
Golic and Shroff also tested different foods dipped in Duke’s Mayo throughout the game, including Oreos, donuts, and Uncrustable peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (the PBJs were the unanimous winners) and frequently cut to a shot of the giant Gatorade tub filled with mayonnaise sitting on the sidelines, waiting to be dumped on the lucky winning coach. At one point, a South Carolina cheerleader was on camera just eating mayo straight out of the jar with a spoon. Vomit-inducing, but also hilarious.
As this mayo bath has been in the making for weeks now, both coaches were asked several days ago how they felt about receiving 4.5 gallons of the condiment on their head after a victory. Beamer said “I’m not a big mayonnaise guy. I mean, I’ll gladly take one for the team on that one if it means we won a football game, but woof.” Tar Heels coach Mack Brown seemed less hesitant, responding “If we won a game, I’d let someone hit me in the face with a frying pan. I don’t care.”
May we all reach the level of inner peace and acceptance that Mack Brown has achieved. After the victory, Shroff and Golic could barely contain their excitement as Beamer walked to the tunnel with a smile on his face, resigned to his fate. The winning coach also got to choose a charity that Duke’s will donate $10,000 to following the mayo bath.
Would it have been more fun to just do it on the field with no warning after the game? Sure, but to be fair, that would probably be really hard to clean up off a turf field. Also, even with the setup, Beamer got knocked in the back of the head with the jug. Who’s to say they wouldn’t have accidentally dropped it on him in the heat of the moment? Alas, maybe next year we’ll get a more authentic-feeling mayo bath. I’m sure it felt authentic to Shane Beamer.
It was, as expected, disgusting, but Beamer kept his hat on, which was definitely a smart move and kept most of the watered-down mayonnaise out of his nose, eyes, and mouth. There was much Twitter discourse on the correct mayo-to-water ratio for the mixture as well as the logistics of how that much mayo would actually be mixed on the sideline of the game, but the pour went off (mostly) without a hitch.
South Carolina will gain Spencer Rattler at the QB position next year, and finish this season 7-6 after Beamer’s first year as head coach. Said Beamer, “Mayonnaise has never felt so good.”