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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Let's Marvel At The Perfect Absurdity Of This ESPN Guy's HOF Ballot

Here's the ballot mailed in by Barry Stanton, ESPN news editor: Jack Morris, Edgar Martinez, Tino Martinez, Don Mattingly, B.J. Surhoff. I shit you not. B.J. Surhoff.


OK, a vote for Donnie Baseball is one thing (there's a generation of New York sportswriters who still have to adjust their khakis whenever Mattingly's name comes up); a vote for Tino is quite another. And a vote for both of them plus B.J. Surhoff — B.J. Surhoff — suggests we're in the presence of true madness.

And you know what? I love this ballot. There is wonderful bughouse comedy to this ballot. This is a ballot that eats crayons. I look at this ballot, and I hear tuba music. It is a great big shrieking monkey cage of a ballot, and I love it because that is exactly what the Hall of Fame deserves. We're talking about a hugely self-important institution populated by drunks and bigots and flakes and syphilitic halfwits that regularly goes through a massive, public spasm of pretending it's a priesthood. (America already has one of those institutions, anyway. It's called the Kennedys.)


So I'll just say it: I hate the Hall of Fame, and I hate its voting, and I hate that it makes otherwise reasonable sportswriters say stuff like this

Somebody said we are not the morality police, but yet I think we are. If we aren't, who is? Part of our job is that we are custodians of the game's history.

— and for that matter I hate that it's given reporters like Michael S. Schmidt, who isn't a journalist so much as a piss cup with a notebook, an annual opportunity to smarm about steroids, and beyond that I hate that the selection process is such an exercise in consecrating press-box fatheadedness that I'm not sure why they don't just conduct the vote via Around the Horn. An outfit like that has richly earned Barry Stanton and his crayons.


ESPN: Hall passes for Alomar, Blyleven [ESPN]

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