Lawrence Taylor is accused of doing some Very Bad Things. That means he's not allowed to tell us how he lost 35 pounds (results not typical) on Nutrisystem. Now pinch hitting: Matt Stairs.

Here's the before and after screengrabs of Nutrisystem's website. Tony Orlando can rest easier now.

"We've made the decision to sever our relationship with Lawrence effective immediately because of the seriousness of the allegations," says spokeswoman Susan McGowan.


Okay, fine, but...Matt Stairs? Maybe Bill James thinks he could have made the Hall of Fame, but we think he's a chubby benchwarmer who had some pop in his bat 10 years ago. Not a living legend who invented the sack. And the dude only lost 30 pounds.

Still, he's better than Curt Menefee.

Nutrisystem drops Lawrence Taylor after rape charge [USA Today]