Marco Asensio Just Wrecked Barcelona So Hard They Should Just Shut Down The Club

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Here lies FC Barcelona, a formerly famed and hallowed soccer club that not too long ago was on the top of the world but through the capriciousness of one of its ex-stars, the borderline criminal mismanagement of those charged with run it, and the ruthlessly cruel manner in which their rivals Real Madrid continue to thrash it, has been set on fire and gleefully stomped upon and is now dead.

It’s fitting that Marco Asensio (who, it should be said, already deserves to be in the conversation as one of the world’s best strikers of the ball) was the one to issue that final blow, seeing as this burgeoning superstar is a perfect example of the Catalan club’s downfall.

Back when Asensio played for Mallorca in Spain’s second division, Barcelona had all but wrapped up an obscenely cheap transfer for the young stud. The club had agreed to a fee with Mallorca and had a contract all lined up with the eager player, but right before pushing the deal through, Barça decided to spend the cash on a useless Brazilian defender whom everyone on the planet knew had no business playing for Barcelona. In their stead, Real swooped in and paid the piddling €4 million—yes four million; not 14 million, not 40 million, four million—and now he looks like a world beater in a squad brimming with them and Barcelona, in desperate need of a player exactly like Asensio, are dead and buried. Eh, they had a good run.