MLB Closer: Okay, Lord... Me and You, Right?

Six games didn't get off the ground without the assistance of rising tides today, thanks to enough moisture across these United States to make you think Tammy Faye Bakker herself had been disinterred by her own post-mortem weeping. Division races from the AL Central to the NL Central (oh, and the NL East, too) shut down for a forced sabbatical. Hopes stay strong that Friday's tilts can be squeegeed off in time for use Saturday or Sunday, but we may be looking at a lot of 160- and 161-game seasons when all has been totaled. • Have You Looked in the Bottom of that Ark?: When they did bother to play last night, they didn't bother to play well. Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Boston, and Texas took St. Louis, Kansas City, Toronto, and Oakland behind the metropolitan woodshed last night for blowout beatdowns. Apparently, everyone would have rather been in Milwaukee last night. Can't say that often. • Noah, How Long Can You Tread Water?: When they did battle for a division crown, they did so to a standstill. The Dodgers took out mile high flood insurance with three runs in the ninth for a 7-2 win in Denver. James Loney sent three men home without supper and Chad Billingsley did his darnedest to create separation in our minds from the A Christmas Story kid with a decent pitching effort in the thin air. However, we're sure someone very old turned in a very clutch performance by handing out Gatorade between innings or some such. Go old people! The Diamondbacks managed to ding the 20th win of Brandon Webb's year with a 3-2 victory in Phoenix over the Reds despite trying every last possible trick in the Good Book to throw the game away in the top of the ninth. (Except rain. They didn't think of rain. You're not going to believe this, but there haven't been too many rainouts for the Diamondbacks this year. Relatively few.) They stay 3.5 back in the West. • Let It Rain for Forty Days and Forty Nights and Wait for the Sewers to Back Up: Your magic numbers are 0, 11, 11, 13, 14, 16.