Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Mmmmmmmmmm Tour de Donut

Illustration for article titled Mmmmmmmmmm Tour de Donut

Without the benefit of steroid scandals or testicular cancer survivors, this year's Tour de France isn't getting a whole lot of attention from the American sporting world. And don't you worry, I'm not paying it any mind either. Not while there's a Tour de Donut going on. The 32-mile MissouriIllinois-based spoof of the Big Gallic Bike Ride is in its 20th year and no less delicious.

Prizes were awarded to those who finished with the fastest time, the fastest adjusted time (depending on number of doghnuts eaten) and for most doughnuts eaten.

For every donut eaten, five minutes is taken off a cyclist's time. Pit stop volunteers were scrambling to mark those who had eaten doughnuts so cyclists could hop back on their bikes and pedal away.

Eduardo Nieuwenhuyzen of St. Louis said he wasn't concerned about the race or the doughnuts.

"I just like wearing tight clothes," Nieuwenhuyzen said, joking about his spandex outfit.

Mike Tillman of Godfrey said his goal was "to finish and not barf."

So then would it be possible to have a tandem bicycle with a really great cyclist in the front and a big fatty scarfing down donuts in the back? Shit, you could finish in negative time. That's right - Donuts: still defying the laws of the space-time continuum,