My God, please stop putting the NFC East in primetime

If you watched this game on Sunday Night Football — a 23-9 Eagles win over the Cowboys — I would just like to take this time to say a prayer for you.

Lord, In this prayer I would just like to ask you to cast out the spirit of ineptitude that seems to have put a stranglehold on the entire NFC East but especially the peewee players in Dallas and Philadelphia that are masquerading as professional football players.

Father God, please protect us from instilling the same reckless stupidity that Carson Wentz plays with into our daily lives.

Holy Ghost, we pray that you hinder us symbolically from throwing two interceptions to arguably the worst corner in the league this season as we live our lives.

Jesus, we pray right now, that our lives will not be plagued with the same level of inability that Ben DiBootie played with last night.

Lord in this season, we thank you for not allowing us to suddenly lose all of our talent like Amari Cooper and Ezekiel Elliot have this season.

God, we pray that your hedges of protection will actually hold up and not be influenced by the trash play of both of these team’s offensive lines.

Father God! we thank you now for not allowing our lives to mimic the atrocity that the American people saw last night in primetime.

Jesus, we pray that you cleanse us from the entire NFC East for the rest of the season and we pray you change the hearts of these networks to stop the blatant sin of letting the NFC East play on national television.

God, we pray for pay per view, tape delay, and blackouts of all NFC East games right now for the rest of this season, Lord.

Holy Ghost, no one should have to be subjected to these excuses for football teams any longer.

Father God, we thank you right now for saving our souls from the influence of these dumpster fires. It is already done in your name Lord!

In Jesus’ name, we pray.

Amen.