Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• What better way to commemorate the death of Boise State's national championship dreams than a column referencing Black Friday, Journey and heavy eyelids? [Idaho Statesman] (H/T for the middle-finger-cavalcade photo to Jake Smith)
• So, yeah, Auburn came back and won [Birmingham News]. Here's the story in two pictures.
• Menacing Nebraska fans scared Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe so much that he didn't go to Lincoln to watch their conference "coronation." [Yahoo Sports]
And now, let's ease into a Deadspin Saturday with a collection of videos, shall we?
• Yes, yes, we know: Michael Jordan accomplished more than LeBron James ever will. [Chi City Sports]
• Maryland field hockey announcer really enjoys the "ultimate revenge" of a Terps national championship victory. (H/T Sam A.)
• Chicarito is the man. So sayeth salsateer Choco Orta. (H/T Sports Post)
• Sidney Crosby does things with pucks. (H/T WPXI via Matthew B.)
• Here are 17 trippy, Seth MacFarlane seconds of LeBron being turned into and haunted by sneakers. (H/T Ethan J.)
• Here are 58 trippy seconds of Dirk Nowitzki as Navin R. Johnson. (H/T Richard S.)
Good morning. How are you today? I'm fine, thanks.