Newcastle Signs Peter Parker, Goblin Attacks Up 32%

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

* Newcastle's Jonas Gutierrez celebrates a goal by pulling a Spider-Man mask out of somewhere and pretending to be Tobey Maguire. Hard to believe a team with such devotion to comic books could get stuck in the second division. [Who Ate All The Pies]

* So what if Carl Edwards maybe intentionally wrecked Brad Keselowski as possible revenge for Keselowski wrecking him earlier and maybe nearly killing him at Talladega last year? Looky ... Flyin' cars! [From The Marbles]

* The Magic beat the Lakers and made Kobe Bryant sad, so it's almost like they are the champions now. (Note: Orlando will never be champion.) [ESPN]

* Another weekend, another Oregon football player gets busted by Eugene police. This time, it's a minor in possession ticket for Josh Kaddu. Are the players having some kind of law-breaking contest we're not aware of? [RegisterGuard]

* And finally, Erin Andrews is on Twitter. Unverified, but she's following Dick Vitale, Urban Meyer and Nicholas Sparks so we can safely conclude that all four of them enjoy reading weepy romance novels.

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It's Monday. Farrah was robbed.