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NFL Roundup: Kickers Soak Up All The Drama

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• Like everyone else who is prone to breaking their spine whenever there's a stiff wind, we've always had an affinity for kickers. So when Cowboys bully tackle Larry Allen went after former XFL kicker Jose Cortez after he missed an extra point — to be fair, Cortez got a little lipp — we cringed the cringe of the tiny man who has always suspected that one day, when all the lights were out and the coaches had gone to bed, all his teammates were going to gang up and beat the crap out of him. Probably with soap wrapped up in socks, like in Full Metal Jacket.
• Meanwhile, David Akers is now a hero for kicking a ball 20 yards without falling over. Go figure.
• We went to a wedding this last weekend, and we are proud to report that, during a particularly spirited version of "Baby Got Back," we did the exact same dance that Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson did after his touchdown. Ours was accidental, though.
• Anybody else getting tired of the New York Jets? Chad Pennington's shoulder, Herman Edwards' "motivation," John Abraham's hangover ... enough. Just go away.
• ESPN SportsCenter just did a feature on Brett Favre's inner struggle. That rocked.
• Is it OK to say the Saints aren't very good now? No one will accuse us of hating America?
• How drunk do you think Bob Huggins got watching the Bengals go to 3-0 yesterday? How large is Nick Lachey's erection right now?
• Uh, those people who keep sending us emails about our kinship with the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals ... please stop. We've suffered enough, we assure you.


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