Nobody Wants Fernando Torres

Illustration for article titled Nobody Wants Fernando Torres

Fernando Torres must've thought that his two-year loan move away from Chelsea—where, instead of repaying his outrageous transfer fee with a highlight reel of goals, he became more well known for his comical, almost unbelievable ability to miss unmissable shots—to AC Milan would be the perfect opportunity to recover some semblance of his old form. Instead, he's only managed to score once in 10 appearances, has seen his starting striker position usurped by a natural midfielder, and is reportedly soon to end his stay in Milan, as the club wants to end the two-year loan early since he sucks so bad.


Rumors of the Rossoneri's intention to ship the Spaniard back to parent club Chelsea in January broke a couple days ago. This news was received with much hilarity in most circles, terror in others, and a twinge of sadness in a precious few. To the first group, this was but another entry in Torres the Terrible: A Striker Lost, 2011-Present. The only thing funnier than hearing that El Niño is so shitty that his team is willing to cut bait after only a couple months is actually getting to watch that shittiness in action.

Those who worried about the news were Chelsea fans. The club had finally found a sucker to take Torres's exorbitant salary off its books, and here came Milan, trying to pawn him back on the Londoners. Torres wouldn't get a spare minute of playing time behind Diego Costa and Loïc Rémy, which would run the risk of the once-great player upsetting the team chemistry with his sullenness.

José Mourinho didn't waste time shooting down any chance of seeing Torres back around Stamford Bridge. From ESPN UK:

"No," [Mourinho] said, before being asked whether it was true that Milan are seeking to end the deal. "I don't know but he's on loan for two seasons at AC Milan. He's our player but he's on loan. We have no space for players in the list. Either in the Champions League or Premier League. That's an impossible picture."

Yet it's not exactly clear who has the power here. AC Milan did agree to take Torres on for two years, so you'd think it would be difficult to renege on the deal without Chelsea's approval. However, canceling loans is usually a right reserved by both sides in these agreements, subject to some sort of cash penalty. Unless the penalty is prohibitively expensive, AC Milan have about £3.1M (his annual salary) reasons to cut its losses and free up a roster spot for a forward who doesn't look increasingly anxious the closer he gets to the box.

Well, Chelsea have an answer for that, too. Should Milan go through with ending the loan, Chelsea will supposedly offer the striker to anyone who wants him on a free transfer. That's right, the Blues want so little to do with him, they'll literally try to give him away for nothing. The Premier League's best team believes that not having Torres is preferable to having Torres.


We can't help but count ourselves among the last group of people mentioned above, those who feel a little sad about all of this. Fernando Torres used to be Fernando Fucking Torres, and a combination of injuries, lost confidence, and age have left him barely a shadow of what he once was. The 30-year-old is still a useful player, probably, and if Torres wasn't making so much money he'd probably be given enough time to adapt to Serie A and see exactly what he can do.

Alas, it doesn't look like he'll be afforded that slack. Hopefully his next situation allows him to continue this premature twilight of his career with the dignity he deserves.