Your morning roundup for Aug. 4, the day Dollywood offered a refund to a couple of lesbians. H/T to Adam for the video clip. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

What we watched: Look, we realize the difficult jobs umpires have, the hazards of which are apparent for all to see. But there are times when umps engage in some dick-swinging antics of their own that can take things too far in the other direction.

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Maybe, since it happened the day following Yadier Molina's meltdown, Bob Davidson was just trying to squelch a potential powder keg right after he called Tyler Colvin out on strikes last night. But the video evidence kind of suggests otherwise, especially when he tossed Mike Quade. We're well aware of high emotions, of the heat of the moment and all that shit. But we're also well aware of when someone comes across as just an asshole, just because he can be.

Elsewhere

Pat McAffee is still delusional: "Dear @Deadspin... I hit from 75 again tonight." [@PatMcAffeeShow]

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Billy Hunter is not yet an optimist: "NBA Players Association executive director Billy Hunter said Wednesday that if he ‘had to bet on it,' he would wager that the entire 2011-12 season would be wiped out by the lockout. ‘We're $800 million apart per year,' Hunter told about 200 people during a seminar at a conference in Baltimore of the National Bar Association, an organization of predominantly African-American lawyers and judges. The union chief said NBA commissioner David Stern was being limited in negotiations by hard-line owners." [Baltimore Sun]

Tiger Woods is not inspiring confidence in himself: "‘He is playing out of desperation,' said Brandel Chamblee, who spent nearly 20 years on the PGA Tour and is now a Golf Channel commentator. ‘He believes the only way out of the hell that he's in is to play his way out. He wants to prove everybody wrong, he probably feels pressure from his sponsors, and he knows that time is slipping away. But I don't think he's physically, mentally or technically ready to play. How could he be?'" [NY Times]

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God sends Jameis Winston to Florida State: "‘Well you know it's been tough, tough the whole time,' Winston said on ESPNU. ‘I feel confident in my decision. I think I want to be a Florida State Seminole.' It came down to feel for Winston. ‘I am just comfortable and that's where I wanted to be,' Winston said. ‘God has blessed me the whole way. I see myself there in the near future.'" [ESPN]

LeBron thinks his opinion on Tim Tebow and/or football matters: James took to Twitter on Wednesday, supporting Tebow and proclaiming, "Tim Tebow will succeed in the NFL. He's a hard worker, a student of the game, a natural born leader and most of all a WINNER! It takes time and he'll be nice." Apparently, this whole Declaration of Support was prompted by something Merril Hoge did. Yes, this is what the world's fucking come to. Meanwhile, we're all left waiting for "nice" Tebow, as promised by a two-time basketball ALMOST WINNER!, to show up. [ESPN]

Matt Stairs leaves with a smile: Stairs was let go by the Washington Nationals on Monday and will retire with 265 home runs. "I'm not sad. I had a great career, a long career," Matt Stairs said. "And it's one of those things where I can walk away today and not be sad about it." [CBC]

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Dan Snyder's punter is hiding Down Under: First, it was the McNabb trade. Now, the Washington Redskins have another problem with an Eagles castoff. To wit: "[Punter] Sav Rocca is back home in Australia and waiting for his application for a work visa to be processed. Redskins coach Mike Shanahan said he expects the situation to get straightened out soon - and said he'd like to see Rocca marry an American if that's what it takes. … Australia's Courier Mail pointed out that Rocca already has a wife in Australia, so that's probably not a viable option." [PFT]

Your Bobblehead Goal-Reenactment Interlude:

It was just a matter of time before Charles Barkley weighed in on Tiger: "'You think you're friends with a guy. You talk to him once a week for 15 years. You're like, this dude is my friend, we do things, we have fun together,'" Barkley said. 'I haven't talked to him in two years and I'm wondering what the hell is going on. I'm confused [as] to where he's going.'" [The Lupica Show]

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We are all Dave McKenna CLXXI: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting every day until Snyder's dumbass libel lawsuit swallows cyanide.

RIP Naoki Matsuda: "The 34-year-old, who represented Japan at the 2002 World Cup, was rushed to hospital on Tuesday. He collapsed during a training session with his club, Matsumoto Yamaga, and never regained consciousness." [BBC]

Brazilian player tries to kick the referee: In a match between Esporte Clube Victoria and Boa Esporte Clube, Victoria's Rildo didn't like how he was being treated by blue, so he flung the ball at, flailed wildly and, when his actions resulted in a red card, tried to land a round-house kick. Good times. [Outside the Box Score]

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Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future here, and Magary's The Postmortal: A Novel here. Now do it.

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