Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Come with us on a magical journey through the Korean Central News Agency, the state-run news agency that is often the outside world's only glimpse into the goings-on in secretive North Korea. All's good in the DPRK today, according to stories like "North Koreans mad at South Korea," "Kim Jong Il's writings posted on Swiss website," "North Korea won the Korean War." But we'd like to focus on the KCNA's wall-to-wall coverage of the Olympic games, where North Korea has already won four gold medals.

On judoka An Kum Ae, who took gold on Sunday:

In the finals, she overpowered the Cuban rival by displaying her strong perseverance and high technique.

The news is delighting the Korean people so much.

Ri Song Chol, a section chief of the April 25 Sports Team, told KCNA:

"In the matches An Kum Ae displayed pluck and confidence instilled by Supreme Commander Kim Jong Un.

Her success has given great strength and courage to the servicepersons and civilians of the DPRK in making victorious advance.

In response to Kim Jong Un's call "Forward to the final victory", we will intensify training and produce more competent athletes, thus displaying the dignity and mettle of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il's nation."

An Jong Ryon, father of An Kum Ae, said:

"Watching on TV my daughter in the match, all my family burst into cheers and tears. She owes her success to the great leaders, the benevolent social system and the Workers' Party of Korea.

"All neighbors call at my house to offer congratulations to my family."

An Kum Ae's mother Mun Jong Sik said:

"Now I am very happy with my daughter who delighted the dear respected Kim Jong Un."


On weightlifter Om Yun Chol, who took gold with a world record lift:

Yu Jung Ryol, an employee at the Nampho City Power Distribution Station, said:

"I was told that DPRK weightlifter Om Yun Chol said his success is ascribable to the spirit instilled by leader Kim Jong Il.

"His remark represents what all of local people want to say.

I will devote myself to building a thriving nation, true to the leadership of respected Marshal Kim Jong Un, as the gold medalists did for the country."

On Korean Olympic success in general:

The news has put the whole country into tumult of joy.

The good results are delighting the local people while arousing public interest in sports.

Kim Chon Sok, a department director of the Ministry of Posts and Telecommunications, said:

"All my family burst out into cheers when hearing the news about Olympiad.

"Some evil-minded foreign media asserted that the DPRK would take only one silver medal, but our sportspersons refuted such assertion with good results.

"The hostile forces had better try hard to get a correct understanding of the DPRK."


What? Who are these evil-minded foreign media who underestimated the DPRK's medal chances? And will these hostile forces be forced to get a correct understanding? Tune in tomorrow, same totalitarian time, same totalitarian state news organ.

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