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Noted Pirates Fan Captain Jack Sparrow Is At Today's Twins-Orioles Game

Notorious international criminal Captain Jack Sparrow is in, of all places, Minneapolis today, and while his favorite team may be Pittsburgh's Bucs it appears he has a soft spot for American League ball as well—proving that even terrorism, grand theft, and murder need a day off. It leads us to ask some questions about Captain Jack Sparrow's baseball interests:

Q. What's Captain Jack Sparrow's favorite stadium?
A. Rangers Ballpark At ARRRRRRR-lington.


Q. Who is Captain Jack Sparrow's sworn baseball enemy?
A. Pablo Sandoval, because he's got the booty.

Q. Why didn't Captain Jack make it in the majors as a pitcher?
A. Because he kept getting the hook.

Q. Why doesn't Captain Jack like being the third batter in an inning?
A. Because he'd rather be standing on deck.

Q. Why doesn't Captain Jack accept sabermetric statistics?
A. Because he's a fan of the ARRRRRRRR-B-I.


Q. What's Captain Jack Sparrow's favorite pitch?
A. The scurveball.

Q. Why was Captain Jack Sparrow able to rack up so many assists as an outfielder?
A. Because he had a cannon for an arm.


Q. What statistic does Captain Jack Sparrow use to allocate supplies to his men?
A. ERA: Earned Rums Allowed.

Q. How does Captain Jack Sparrow watch MLB games when can't get to a game?
A. Not by subscribing to, but by finding illegal feeds online. You know, because he's a pirate.


h/t to Dave

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