Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
* Did the Chicago Tribune go too far? Or just far enough? The key word is "tasteful." [Chicago Tribune]
* The other "Rookie Who Will Change Everything," Mike Stanton, went 3-for-5 in his Major League debut for the Marlins. He should really change his name because the only stat that looks right next to that handle is BLOWN SAVE. [Miami Herald]
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Sorry, I'm late. I think a semi jacknifed or something.