Ocho Cinco Knows How To Cure The Bengals: It's Time To Par-tay

The Artist Formerly Known As Chad Johnson does not want to go to that strip club. The last thing he wants is to go on a drunken tequila binge and wake up in his hotel room on Sunday draped in hookers and clutching a reefer the size of a corncob. But damn it, he will do it for the team. No sacrifice is too big for the well being of the Bengals. The scene: A telephone conference call earlier today with writers in Dallas. Question: Do you think all the Bengals that have been in trouble have resulted in you guys struggling on the field at times? Ocho replies:

"No man, that has nothing to do with it. That has nothing to do with it. Think about this: You remember our '05 season right? Our '05 season we were unbelievable. Our '05 season is the year everybody went to jail and got arrested. That year everybody got in trouble. So maybe the bad was a good thing. It sounds dumb to say, but look at it. We have cleaned house and nobody is getting in trouble anymore, no DUIs, no arrests, now we're getting our a— whopped. Maybe I don't know, maybe I should go out have a drink, get in trouble. I don't know what it is. Our '05 was one of the best years here in history. It was one of those years where there was a lot of distractions."

And back in Cincinnati, the police department has canceled all vacations for the immediate future. Hell, so has the National Guard. UPDATE: Commenter StanGable has coined a new nickname for him: Swinging Chad. Excellent. Chad: Good Boys Equal Bad Team? [Cincinnati Inquirer] Ocho Cinco To Have Cinco Tequilas, Por Favor [The Sporting Blog]