Pistons Eat Jerseys, Choke On Game

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's in bed smoking a cigarette after a fulfilling weekend of playoff action. When he's not replaying the events over and over in his head, you can find him basking in the afterglow at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Memo to the Pistons: You might wanna take these guys seriously. The Pistons have been so good over the past several seasons that it almost feels like they've won more championships than they actually have. At the very least it feels like they should have made more NBA Finals appearances than just two. So what's the problem? I'll tell you: They lose focus. They forget to bring their A-game against teams they should beat. And it happened again last night, and the 76ers emerged from the blast zone with a 90-86 upset victory.

Don't get me wrong. Detroit established a little dominance early on, and they were even leading by 15 points midway through the third quarter. But nobody sent Philly the script, so they forgot to just roll over and die. Willie Green (17 points, 7-for-11 shooting) hit a couple buckets in a 10-0 Sixers run that gobbled up most of the lead and killed the Pistons' swerve. By the time Detroit realized they were in trouble, it was too late. The game was a dogfight, and the dogs won. Andre Miller led Philadelphia with 20 points and 6 assists, Andre Iguodala added 16, and Samuel Dalembert grabbed 10 rebounds. Rasheed Wallace pumped the Pistons with 24 points, but he missed a big layup near the end that would have tied the game. Said 'Sheed: "I'm going to put this on me. There's no excused. The last bunny, that was a bucket I should've made. I'm going to take this one on the chin." Meanwhile, Detroit took it up the... Wow Gasol. Watching Pau freaking dominate in an enemy uniform still makes me feel like I'm playing NBA Live against some crazy Lakers fan who turned off the trade controls to bring Gasol to L.A. It's just surreal, you know? Spain's favorite watch salesman had 36 points (a career playoff high), 8 assists (ditto) and 16 rebounds in his first-ever playoff victory, a 128-114 win over the Denver Nuggets. Gasol was also 14-for-20 from the field, 8-for-8 from the line, had 3 blocked shots, and delivered early Christmas presents to all the children of the world ... even the bad ones. As for Kobe, he played Robin to Gasol's Batman by hitting for 32 points on 9-for-26 shooting. But 18 of those points came in the final eight minutes, so thanks for the cleanup, Robin. Meanwhile, the Nuggets are searching high and low for their defense. Did they leave it unattended at the airport? Did they lose it on their way to the arena? Did they leave it at home by mistake? When was the last time they even saw it? While everybody's looking for their missing "D," I'll go ahead and tell you that Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony both scored 30 points, and Linus Kleiza added 23. But unfortunately for them, it looks like outscoring the Lakers isn't the best plan for playoff success. Duh-duhduhduh-duh...DUH DA DA!! Superman returns! Dwight Howard had 25 points, 22 rebounds, and 5 blocked shots and the Orlando Magic beat the Toronto Raptors 114-100 to win their first playoff game since 2003. And after that super-game, Howard got all super-emotional too. "It felt real good — it was an amazing feeling for me. Actually, I almost got some tears." Say it with me everybody: Awwwwwwh! The Magic put the Raptors in an early hole by taking a 43-23 lead after the first quarter, but the mighty dinos battled back into the game behind Anthony Parker (24 points) and some three-point sniping from a dude who traveled to the future from 2006-07...he sort of looked like Jason Kapono (18 points, 4-for-6 from behind the arc). But Rashard Lewis put a spell on Chris Bosh (4-for-11) and Toronto's guards forgot which basket they were supposed to be shooting at (T.J. Ford shot 1-for-9, and Jose Calderon was 3-for-11). Meanwhile, Maurice Evans and Jameer Nelson combined for 38 points on 12-for-20 shooting, making me eat my "Orlando's biggest weakness is its guard play" words. Mmm ... tastes like grits. Prepare to not be surprised. At all. The Celtics did what the they do — holding Atlanta to 38 percent shooting and forcing 15 turnovers — and slowly crushed the Hawks in their vise-like grip, 104-81. The game was surprisingly close through the first two quarters — Boston led by only nine points at halftime — but just like a highly paid dominatrix, the Celtics took complete control in the second half. Ray Allen had 18 points for the Celtics — including 10 straight during a big "we'll be pulling away now, thanks" third quarter run — and Kevin Garnett showed his MVPism by scoring 16 points, grabbing 10 boards and intimidating the hell out of pretty much everybody. (Except Al Horford; the kid's too young to know any better, I guess.) Speaking of Horford, the rook had a pretty sweet playoff debut with 20 points (7-for-10) and 10 rebounds. (Can we go ahead and name him ROP ... Rookie of the Playoffs?) Joe Johnson scored 19, but he and Mike Bibby combined to shoot their team in the talon by hitting only 9-for-32. After the game, Johnson expressed the kind of googly-eyed astonishment that makes me wonder whether he got dropped on the head as a child. "I didn't expect it to be like this, but I'm glad we got it out of the way. Game 2 I expect pretty much a different reaction." Me too. I expect you to lose by at least 30.