Psh, I Guess This Counts As Knocking Off No. 1

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•I suppose technically the Longhorns were still No. 1 when they strolled into Gampel Pavilion, despite their loss to K-State earlier this week. Well, in for a penny, in for a pounding, I guess. They fell fairly convincingly to unranked UConn.

•Today's figure-skaters-you've-heard-of news: Sasha Cohen finished 4th at nationals, meaning no Olympics, and at 25 years old, you'll probably never hear from her again. Rachael Flatt and Mirai Nagasu go 1-2 and will represent us in Vancouver, which means the hopes and dreams of a nation are firmly behind two people we first heard about last night.

•Those dysfunctional Raiders found a new way to dysfunction. After reports emerged that Tom Cable would return for a second season, the team quickly denied it. To be fair, irrational denial is the only way to make it through a stint as Raiders coach.

• Urban Meyer: healthy as an ox! He's planning to be back in time for spring practices, and may not even take time off at all. I wonder if he was ever ill, or this wasn't Tim Tebow's Munchausen by Proxy, just trying to get a little attention.

•And it's official: the Hicks Group unloads the Rangers, and Nolan Ryan becomes a minority owner. Tom Hicks will get more than the $500 million needed to cover his debts, half of which are Alex Rodriguez-related.

•••••

Are you ready for some football!? Yeah, in like five hours. We'll just have to find something to keep us occupied in the meantime.