The top five landing spots for post-buyout Russell Westbrook

Do we still have to take Russell Westbrook seriously? I mean, if you can’t play with LeBron James or Kevin Durant, who can you fit next to? Whichever franchise signs him next will be his fifth in six years (unless he ruins it back with the Wizards), and we’re firmly in “This guy might be out of the league with gas left in the tank a la Allen Iverson” territory. However, the internet needs speculation, and I’m here to make fun of that craving.

So, without explaining too much/giving you a reason not to go forth and click, here are the top five landing spots for Russell Westbrook.

If Jimmer Fredette can make a career out of destroying Chinese point guards, Westbrook can amass the best statistical season in the history of basketball. Even better than that high schooler who scored 138 points in a game. Shit, maybe he could even make a conference finals for the first time without Kevin Durant.

How many shots do you think the former Lakers Sixth Man took in his last appearance with the team? On the same night that LeBron James was gunning for the all-time scoring record, Westbrook put up 19 shots. The King took 20. Russ was traded soon thereafter.

Westbrook already wore a non-utilitarian trash bag poncho, so he’s basically a sultry expression away from being signed by Mugatu. Bonus points if Owen Wilson tells Brodie to “der-e-lict” his balls.

Please, Washington Wizards, re-sign Westbrook. You two are made for each other, and I’m here for any scenario where Russ feels vindicated, especially if it ends up like Patrick Beverley with the Timberwolves last year.

I’m surprised he doesn’t already have a deal with The Ringer explicitly for this reason. I mean it’d be a lot more entertaining than whatever Austin Rivers has to say.