Russian Hackers Get Into WADA Data, Find Nothing Incriminating

Perhaps feeling a little bent out of shape about how much shit their country caught for running a massive, Cold War-style doping program for Olympic athletes, a group of Russian hackers have obtained confidential documents that they claim prove American Olympians are also big fat cheaters. The only problem is that the leaked documents don’t actually contain any evidence of cheating.

The hacking group, which calls itself Fancy Bear, posted the hacked documents on its website last night. The World Anti-Doping Agency has since confirmed that it was indeed hacked, and that the data released by Fancy Bear are authentic.

So, what smoking guns did the hackers get their hands on? According to the documents, Serena Williams, Venus Williams, Simone Biles, and Elena Delle Donne were all taking drugs that are on the banned substance list. Each one of them has a therapeutic use exemption, though, meaning they didn’t break any rules.

According to the documents, Serena Williams tested positive for oxycodone, hydromorphone, prednisone, and methylprednisolone; Venus Williams also tested positive for prednisone, prednisolone, triamcinolone and formoterol. Most of these are pain medications or anti-inflammatories, and formoterol is an inhalant meant to help with asthma or other breathing problems.

Simone Biles tested positive for Ritalin, while Elena Delle Donne tested positive for hydrocortisone and Adderall, according to the documents. Please try to contain your outrage.