Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Scott Boras And His Normalcy Can Both Get The Hell Out Of Here

Scott Boras wants baseball back to return to normalcy at the risk of people who don’t shit money like him.
Scott Boras wants baseball back to return to normalcy at the risk of people who don’t shit money like him.
Photo: AP

The melding of one person and one institution each so galactically up their own asses to have quite possibly come around again that is Scott Boras penning an op-ed in The New York Times is so perfect I might vomit up my own scrotum. I can’t believe it didn’t happen until now, honestly.

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In case you missed it, and God bless you if you did, Boras oozed out of his dwelling and shaped into human form today to call for the return of his full income of baseball. As anyone of the privileged class that has called for a return to normalcy to keep lining their own pockets does in order to provide some kind of smokescreen or cover, Boras couched it in helping the nation heal. It’s always healing. Suddenly everyone is interested in being Eir.

Usually when the bewildering and bottomless maw on Boras’s face opens, it’s only to spew busted haikus and inspirational quotes off an office waiting room poster he didn’t remember correctly during the Winter Meetings. It’s all in a bid to promote himself as the center of the baseball world during that week, which he generally is as he’s likely representing the most sought-after players in free agency. Every year, when he holds court, some of the thoughts that somersault valiantly and stupidly from his vocal chords and right onto the floor like cinder blocks tied to a mob witness would make Magritte and Ernst pack up the brushes and apply for work as a barista. But that’s harmless enough. This is not.

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As you might imagine, Boras completely misses the point and the differences between now and the tired examples that any crusty old baseball observer would trot out to make the game more relevant and important than it actually is today. Pearl Harbor, the ‘89 Bay Area Earthquake, 9/11. And don’t you worry, there’s the customary, if not mandatory, mention of “the fabric of America,” which was farmed out to China for manufacturing long ago.

What Boras ignores, and either somehow misses or does know but hopes you don’t realize, is that these were singular events. They happened essentially in an instant, they were awful, and then they were over. And then the aftermath began almost immediately. Baseball couldn’t make it worse.

A collection of people watching and playing baseball wouldn’t make the Japanese attack again, especially with the U.S. on high alert. Restarting the World Series a week later didn’t make San Francisco and the Bay Area more likely to suffer another earthquake. While there was some fear of another attack at Yankee Stadium in 2001, and the president’s presence only heightened that, it was extremely unlikely because wouldn’t you know it, the Bush administration was actually paying attention that time. And we’ve already addressed how Bush’s first pitch didn’t end up healing at all.

This is not a singular event. It isn’t happening in an instant or even a short time. Honestly, it’s real “happening” probably hasn’t been seen yet. We haven’t reached the peak of what this virus could do. Boras and those clamoring for a return to normalcy are begging for healing when the damage isn’t even nearly finished. That’s not how these things work. We are probably months or a year from the aftermath, where the healing would go. And having people collect in numbers to even start baseball without fans could and probably would make things worse. Baseball could do the opposite of healing.

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Even Boras’ “plan,” as it’s just basically “everyone go back to normal spring training for now,” is actively dangerous. Neither Arizona nor Florida are testing enough people every day, or even close, to see spring training resume with all players, staff and support staff. Arizona is testing 4,000 people a week, and has one of the worst per capita rates in the country. Can it really afford to waste a quarter or more of that on spring training personnel? What happens if someone tests positive in the middle of it? Send everyone back to their homes? Or their dwellings in Arizona and Florida?

If Boras really was interested in healing and returning America to anywhere near a state of what he would consider normal, he would take some of the $450M he’s worth and find a way to help with testing. But that wouldn’t get him his 10 percent, would it?

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While Boras certainly makes himself the story enough times you wonder what kind of cardio he must do, he’s still supposed to work for his clients. Did he bother to ask any of them how they would feel about being separated from families, and subjected to being in close contact with a lot more people than they are now under shelter-in-place orders? Some may not care, as you can bet there are more than a handful that think this is all a conspiracy or the virus can be punched/shot into oblivion. But more than a handful are on the opposite side and aren’t playing until their safety can be guaranteed. We’re nowhere near that.

Does Boras think anything of the hotel worker who will be subjected to a now full building of people who may or may not have gotten tested? And who’ll have to be there all the time? When all it takes is one person to infect the lot of them? You think that person gives a flying fornication whether the nation is healed by Max Scherzer’s slider being on TV sets? Any of this ever cross Boras’ mind? To quote the author of maybe the the greatest baseball rant in history, Lee Elia: “MY FUCKIN’ ASS!”

Boras is just another rich fuckstick pining for his riches as they’ve always been, and unafraid to put those lower than him financially at risk to get it. America doesn’t need baseball right now. It needs testing. It needs contact tracing. It needs anyone at the federal level who can provide a plan and leadership instead of a viewing of whatever sludge got caught between their ears dripping out of them. Boras and his ilk should be pushing for those, so we can get to a point where we can even contemplate an aftermath and/or healing, when baseball or any other sport would come in.

Have you ever looked at a dollar bill, man?

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