Set Tasers Phasers To "Conduct"

At halftime of the Michigan-Ball State game on Saturday, of all people, freaking Picard proved something we've always suspected: Anybody can be a damned band conductor.

Yep, they let Patrick Stewart conduct "Hail To The Victors," and apparently, you just wave your hands in the air furiously. The band, we'd think, has the song pretty much down cold.

(By the way, no offense to Michigan fans, but we find it impossible not to sing, "Hail to those motherfuckers ... hail to those big cocksuckers, hail, hail to Michigan, the assholes of the world!" when we hear this song. We screamed along to this at an Illinois-Michigan game in the mid-90s in the student I-Block section, and it's all we can think of anymore. It actually inspired Bo Schembechler, doing the game on radio, to blast Illinois students on the air, and that's always fun.)