Soccer Coach Laments That Only A Few Of His Players Have Dicks And Balls

Carlisle United have been struggling. The club playing in England's 4th division have gone winless in their last five, including yesterday's 3-1 home loss to Accrington. Manager Keith Curle is fed up with his players, and decided to call them out in the media for their main deficiency: only a few of them have "male genitalia."

The video above includes the bulk of his comments on BBC Radio, where he complains about how "soft" and "weak" his players are, but if you want to skip ahead to the cock-and-balls talk, go to about the 2:25 mark. There, he recounts a conversation he had in the locker room:

I'm speaking to the players and the players say, "Well, we've got to play people that have got the ..." uhh ... uhhhhh ... how can I say this knowing that it's going out on air ... "with the uh ... the male genitalia to go out and play."

And I said, "Well, I don't think I can do that. Because I'd only start with five, six players. Because I don't think there's players out there that have got the male genitalia." And now, that's the alarming thing that I've got to get a reaction out of those players.

We're confident that this rousing speech will inspire Carlisle's players to rediscover their pee pees, get them all nice and hard, and ram their way into the Premier League.

[ Telegraph]