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Or when he’s not doing that he’s just ripping off full volleys from 20 yards:

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But this is MLS, and you can’t get too far without someone pulling the strings right behind the strikers. St. Louis has Edward Löwen, whom they pulled out of the Bundesliga. Löwen had made some noise for Bochum last season, starting 15 times, amassing 1400 minutes, and contributing two goals and two assists. He’s already matched that goal contribution in just five games in MLS.

Partnering Klauss up front is former USMNT thing/hope Nicholas Gioachinni, who is clearly hoping to be a USMNT thing/hope again. He’s only 22 and has scored in the club’s last two matches. Partnering Löwen in the center in St. Louis’s usual 4-2-2-2 is Indiana Vassiley, whom I only mention simply so I could write, “Indiana Vassiley.”

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Bubble bursting index

This is usually the time when I spit up some analytics that will portend to a summit with the Earth for a high-flying club…and this time will be no different.

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One, the schedule has been a touch kind. SLC has gotten looks at San Jose, Real Salt Lake, and Charlotte, none of whom will be confused with league powers. But to be fair, they won in Austin, last year’s darling and widely predicted to be an MLS Cup contender this season. And they clubbed Portland in Portland, one of the harder places to play in the league.

No, Klauss isn’t going to keep scoring on 56 percent of the shots he gets on target. No, they’re not going to keep doubling up their expected goals tally. But Löwen looks like a definite MLS architect in midfield, which means the chances should still flow, even if fewer of them go in.

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At the other end, goalkeeper Röman Burki (how many umlauts is a team allowed?) does have pedigree, and will probably bail them out more than a few times when things get rough. Like this:

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They also appear to have one of the bigger home-field advantages in the league, as a St. Louis market that has always been a hotbed for producing talent and has been baying for a team of their own finally gets their wish fulfilled:

For all the things MLS is, good and bad, it still really only takes a clear plan, two or three players in the right spots, and a little slice of luck to piss on most of the league. And when you think of urinating in public, don’t you think of St. Louis?