Stanford Band Doofuses Still Barred From Cal Rivalry Game

The Stanford marching band has been banned from road games since May 2015 for a “ sexual hazing” scandal, but they’ve been allowed to attend bowl games. They made everyone mad at the Rose Bowl last year by being quirky and transgressive enough to make a completely out-of-left-field joke about how much Iowa loves cows, and they’ll probably get to follow it up this year with a totally classic own on the order of something about how Wake Forest students love waking up ... in a forest! Truly this is some good shit.

However, the sink-drumming Stanford band will not be able to travel to Berkeley this weekend to soundtrack the 119th edition of Big Game. Cal is Stanford’s foremost rival, even if the Bears are a dumb waterlogged team utterly incapable of tackling any of their opponents, and if the band were to travel to any game, it would be the Cal game.

Alas, fans will miss out on some insanely wacky routines. Many times I have watched the Stanford band do something totally wacky like make a Transformers joke and thought to myself, “My God, they will do anything.” I hope fans will make it through the game okay.