Stephen A. Smith, ESPN’s professional unintelligible empanada truck, tried to drop exclusive information about Kevin Durant’s free agency last week. Durant scoffed, saying that he, his family, and his friends don’t talk to Smith. Smith had a rebuttal to that rebuttal, touting his supposed insider sources and ending his message with “Time to get use to it.” Was that the end of the Smith/Durant feud? Of course not.

On today’s installment of First Take, Smith addressed the beef and took the idea of First Take being theater with yelling to a whole new level by using his inside voice to address threats directly to Durant (as if the guy was wasting his morning watching fucking First Take):

The transcription:

The sensitivity that these guys are showing, they are making unnecessary enemies I am not one of them. I won’t be. I got too much love and respect for who these guys are, and what they mean to my community. But I will say this lastly. You don’t want to make an enemy out of me.

[pause intended to be dramatic]

And I’m looking right into the camera. And I’mma say it again. You do not want to make an enemy out of me. I’m not having it. I’ve done nothing wrong.

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Smith probably thought he sounded like a cool, intimidating villain in a Scorsese flick, when in reality his monologue mirrored one of a henchman who gets his ass kicked by Jason Statham 35 minutes into the movie. Seriously, what could Stephen A. Smith do to Kevin Durant? Make fun of him for not playing center? Drop nonstop critical tweets with no regard for human life, spelling, or punctuation? Fill his bed with Cheez Doodles?

Skip Bayless had the best unintended thought on the situation as he played the part of Smith’s good friend. “Your track record as a reporter doesn’t just speak for itself,” Bayless said. “It screams for itself.”

[ESPN2]


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