a Page 7318 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Stacy Andrews Accused Of Lovingly Punching Girlfriend
I always got Eagles offensive linemen Shawn Andrews and Stacy Andrews confused. But now I have a handy way of distinguishing the two: Shawn is insane, and Stacy is accused of face-punching his lady....
Black Mexican Prevents Black Out
Chad Ochocinco, along with the fine folks at Motorola, bought up the remaining unsold Bengals tickets to prevent a TV blackout on Sunday. Also, if you want to see "Law Abiding Citizen" tonight, he'll pay for that too. [WKRC/Twitter]...
You Have Less Than A Decade To Learn How To Curl
Only three cities—Munich, Germany; Annecy, France; and Pyeongchang, South Korea—have applied to host the 2018 Winter Olympics. Guess no one wants all those snowboarders taking all their weed. [AP]...
Maradona Tells His Critics To "Suck It", Also "Keep On Sucking it"
Argentina's greatest soccer hero has caught a lot of flack since taking over the national team and leading them almost nowhere. But after dramatically securing a last-minute World Cup berth, he let loose with an epic kiss-my-ass tirade....
God Bless Ronan Tynan’s Anti-Semitism
If you're heading to Yankee Stadium for Game 1 of the ALCS tonight, you can forget about hearing Ronan Tynan sing "God Bless America" during the seventh inning. Know why? Because he hates Jews! WOOHOO!...
The Best Catalogs To Read While Pooping
It's Friday, and that means you're aggressively prepared to not do anything. It's a leisurely day, filled with put-off work, early drinks, and extended bouts of pooping....
LeBron James Is Sick In The Original Sense Of The Word
LeBron and two teammates have tested positive for Influenza A, and the Cavs are treating them like H1N1 cases. Worse, King James just gave more fuel to the anti-vaccine crazies: He thinks he got sick from his flu shot. [ESPN]...
There's Losing Streaks, And Then There's <i>Losing</i> Streaks
La Salle-Peru High in La Salle, Illinois has played Geneseo High in football every year—sometimes twice a year—since 1919....and lost every single time. A 90-year losing streak. So they were probably pretty happy when they won last week....
Jerry Jones Thinks Wade Phillips Can Totally Beat The Patriots This Year
"Two years ago the Giants were in trouble," Jones said. "It was also absolutely expected that something was going to happen with the coach....Well, that same year they won the Super Bowl....This is a long, long journey." [DMN]...
Dennis Rodman, In The Pink
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
OU Has Already Lost The Red River Embarrassing Music Video Rivalry
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Florida State Produces Student-Athletes, Not In That Order
In an NCAA transcript on FSU's violations, it emerged that some Noles read at a second grade level. Warning flags were raised when Leon Washington told the Jets at the combine his favorite book was "Go, Dog, Go." [Yahoo!]...
Streaking Is All Fun And Games Until Someone Commits A Felony
Didn't Janet Jackson teach our nation's children that nudity at football games is anything but harmless? Now one high school student is facing criminal sexual conduct charges after his streaking across the field caused a near-riot....
ESPN's HS Football Contract Is Underwhelming
So, just how much does ESPN pay school districts to televise their prep football games? A cool $1000. It's all about the Clevelands. [AJC]...
Little People Racing As Deserving An Olympic Sport As I've Seen
If beer commercials and 80s movies are to be believed, everything's bigger in Australia. Except the jockeys; they're little people. And the horses; they're regular size people....
I'm Not Sayin', I'm Just Sayin'
That prosecuting attorney who decided to charge Jerry Smith and Terrence Jennings with only a single misdemeanor charge, instead of the police's harsher recommendations? He's a proud graduate of Louisville Law School. [Rush The Court]...
Coach Can't Keep Hands Off The Merchandise
Go ahead and play with yourself. It's perfectly natural and I won't judge you. Even if you're a high school basketball coach, it's still a personal matter. But do it in the middle of Costco, and that'll get you headlines....
Phillies-Dodgers Is Just Like Bloods-Crips, Insane Person Writes
Stu Bykofsky is the Philly Daily News' house lunatic who writes like he's corresponding from prison and who believes another 9/11 is just the thing to put some hair on America's chest. Care to hear his thoughts on Phillies-Dodgers?...
Cardinal Hoops Players Face Justice, Pitino Style
Louisville's Jerry Smith and Terrence Jennings were charged with misdemeanor counts of resisting law enforcement. Their coach says "it's serious" and they will be punished....just not in any way that involves playing time. Yes, that serious! [ESPN]...
Dittoheads Respond To Rush's Nixed NFL Bid With Sadness, Holocaust Poetry
"Tonight..." RedState's tsquare intones in a headline, "We Are All Rush Limbaugh." And then it gets so much better....