a Page 7392 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Landon Donovan Has Swine Flu
And no, he didn't get it from being showered in urine and vomit by Mexican fans. But here's your excuse for yesterday's match result, Sam's Army. [FanNation]...
Which Version Of Madden Should Take Over Your Life?
If you're reading this from a line outside a 24-hour Wal-Mart, you've probably already made your choice, but if you're unsure which version of Madden 10 you should buy today, consider how you would most like waste your life....
Michael Phelps Involved In Car Crash
Don't worry, the sea god was uninjured when his Escalade plowed into another car in downtown Baltimore. But let's not forget he's already on probation for a DUI...[WJZ]...
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
Apologies for taking the Lord's name in vain in the headline, readers, but this is some serious backchannel craziness the Eagles just pulled off. With all the possible destinations for Michael Vick, even in the strictly hypothetical, UFL sense.......
Mike Vick To The Eagles
That's two deceptively immobile black QBs in Philly. The Iggles inked Vick to a two year deal, which begs the question: were they bidding against themselves? Your resident Eagles homer will be along shortly with measured, reasonable analysis. [ESPN]...
Mob Justice Prevails Again (UPDATE #3)
Sick of seeing his overly-manicured facial hair plastered up all over Chicago, the suspected Wrigley Field beer chucker has turned himself in. We'll stay with this story all night if we have to! God, I feel like Nancy Grace....
Deadspin Very Special Guest Editor Days Are Here Again
We're almost half-way through the sweltering dread-trap that is August, so it's time to hand over the captain's ascot to someone for a day. Spinheads, meet Tom Scocca. He will be hoisting up sloop Deadspin's sail for you tomorrow....
An Assist For Nick Van Exel: How An NBA Scorekeeper Cooked The Books
In January 1997, the Lakers' Nick Van Exel handed out 23 assists in a 95-82 victory over Vancouver, a feat less attributable to his sharpshooting teammates than to the numbers-fudging Lakers fan working the Grizzlies' scorer's table....
Internet Paralyzed By Michael Vick To Buffalo Rumors
Have you heard?! Michael Vick and Tony Dungy are in Buffalo right now signing an eighteen-year deal worth $4 billion. Or maybe he's not in New York State at all? Maybe you're the one who's like....trapped in Buffalo, man!...
Rick Dempsey To Make A Baseball Movie We <i>Really</i> Want To See
Columbia Pictures put Moneyball in turnaround, but former Orioles goofball Rick Dempsey has just sold them a script that sounds infinitely more entertaining than sweaty stat geeks. It's the true story of Dempsey's little league coach....who also robbed banks....
Now For Jason Whitlock's Thoughts On Rick Pitino
Topics discussed: Pussy Galore, Strange Tang, Pitino, Josh Hamilton, Reggie Miller, Monica Lewinsky, Obama and Hillary doin' it. There's something for everyone: rampant misogyny and gay-baiting! This column makes every sportswriter in America look like Betty Friedan in comparison. [FoxSports]...
Wrigley Beer-Tossing Hand Job Still At Large (UPDATE) (UPDATE NO)
I imagine that since we're very close to identifying the man who soaked Shane Victorino last night at Wrigley, that the Chicago PD are close as well....
And Here Comes The "Pitino Is A Baby Killer" Hysteria
Shockingly, Louisville's pro-life students are not impressed with how their coach handled the post-restaurant floor mom-banging: "Rick Pitino was willing to take his own child's life in order to cover up a cheap, tawdry affair."[ALL.org]...
Golfers To Trade Cash For Gold
The IOC is planning to include golf and rugby in the 2016 Olympics. Finally! All of the world's best golfers can compete against each other in one event, just like every single weekend of the year. [MSNBC]...
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Our Man In Boy Clothes Is Not Feeling Generous Today
Mike Lupica's ego is to sportswriting what Milton Berle's cock is to comedy. It is an occupational totem, around which colleagues spin fantastical-seeming yarns that just so happen to be true. Here are a few such tales....
The UFL Might Actually Be A Practical Joke
The United Football League unveiled its team names and uniforms this week, just hours before tickets went on sale for games you did not realize were taking place, featuring players that may not exist. Is this really happening?...
Pitino Apologizes, Once Again Invokes 9/11
Rick Pitino's brother-in-law was a trader at Cantor Fitzgerald, and he died on 9/11 along with 3,000 other people, and now his and their memory is being invoked by a guy who, at best, is a floor-rutting womanizer....
Bronson Arroyo Will Put Just About Anything In His Body
Bronson Arroyo admits that he pumps his body full off all manner of unapproved chemicals and that MLB drug tests don't really concern him. And what about a hardcore steroid user like Manny Ramirez? If he dies, he dies....