ant Page 681 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Plaxico Burress Saga Turning Into Awful Russian Novel
This web of lies that is surrounding Plaxico Burress and his ventilated right thigh just keeps getting wider and stickier. As of this morning, it has now ensnared his wife, two doctors, an entire hospital, half of New York's backfield, and the guy who lights the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center....
Please Watch Your Footing NHL Fans; We Can't Afford To Lose Any Of You
Here is palatial Scotiabank Place, home of the Ottawa Senators and, unfortunately, the scene of a rather spectacular accident on Wednesday night in the upper deck. As the Sens toiled against the Atlanta Thrashers below, a gentleman was lugging beers to his seat when he stumbled and went a-sailin' cl...
In The Club With Antonio Pierce
In case you missed it last night, Burress was suspended by the New York Giants and placed on the non-injury football list, costing him about $27 million in unpaid salary (plus fines.) The fact that he is not on an NFL roster may also make it easier for the prosecutors to hit him with that very large...
Colbert: It's High Time The Government Stays Out Of Our Sweatpants
If you think you've considered all angles of the Plaxico Burress story, think again. Stephen Colbert provides food for thought in this segment from Tuesday's Colbert Report, in which he asks the perfectly reasonable question, why should a consensual act between a man and his semiautomatic Glock hand...
Plaxico Burress Suspended For The Rest Of The Season
The New York Giants waited until the very end of the day to announce that Plaxico Burress will in fact be placed on the "non-football injury list." This is effectively a suspension that removes him from the Giants roster for the remainder of the regular season and the playoffs, and (unlike injured r...
Jon Stewart Reports That Sweatpants Do Not Make A Good Holster
I'm a little surprised that The Daily Show didn't break in with weekend coverage of the Plaxico Burress story; the whole thing seems cobbled by comedy elves just for Jon Stewart. Finally on Monday he was able to jump on it, and while not as good as Dash's efforts on this story, Stewart did not disap...
Breaking!: Plaxico Burress May Have A Sore Leg
An urgent SportsCenter update has just informed the world that Plaxico Burress showed up to work today, less than 24 hours after facing the horrors of central booking at the One Seven. The notorious skel (hey, I've seen NYPD Blue) reported to the Giants training facility this morning, per team rules...
Illegal Contact, Packers, 15 Yards And Automatic Loss Of Beer
It's two days later, and all of North Carolina is still in a lather over this Packers fan, who took exception to the Panthers' DeAngelo Williams tossing his touchdown footballs to Carolina fans in the front row of the end zone stands at Lambeau. This one was completed, but the next one was successfu...
Plaxico Burress Update: He Still Has A Hole In His Leg
Do you remember a couple of years ago when Dick Cheney shot that guy and the basic facts of story were so utterly ridiculous that all you had to do was say "The Vice President of the United States shot a man in the face" and that counted as both a joke and a serious analysis of the situation? That's...
Miserable Stephon Marbury Gives Thanks to Knicks by Ripping D'Antoni's Dog-Walking Skills
The Knicks are quietly stumbling toward legitimacy this season under Mike D'Antoni, but still can't seem to peacefully rid themselves of the one player who embodies their past failures, Stephon Marbury. D'Antoni even extended an olive branch toward Steph by offering him a starting job, but that didn...
Lawrence Tynes To President Bush: Pardon My Brother, Please
Question: Do you know who Lawrence Tynes is without me having to explain that he's the kicker for the New York Giants? Do you think President Bush knows? He did single out Tynes during the Giants post-Super Bowl White House visit, because it was his overtime field goal against Green Bay that sent th...
Matt Ryan Has Won Some of the Black Vote in Atlanta
Interesting story in the New York Times today about Falcons' quarterback Matt Ryan and how he's slowly winning over the large percentage of African-American Falcons' fans, many of whom were decidedly pro-Mike Vick. The timing is excellent too, given that Vick might be coming to a football stadium ne...
Rinku And Dinesh Hit Big Time, Will Soon Be Rolling In Rupees
Remember Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel, the Indian teenagers who had a tryout for Major Leage Baseball scouts a few weeks back? The pitchers flew to California to work out in San Francisco and then show their stuff at USC, with the hopes of landing a major league contract. Crazy, right? Neither had e...
SHOTY First Round: Isiah Thomas Vs. Nightmare Ant
All right, everybody, it's time for the voting to begin. We'll be going Monday/Wednesday/Friday until the end of the year to get this rolling and prompt-like. But first off: Everybody salute the big pile of genius that is Jim Cooke for his official 2008 SHOTY poster. Bless his heart. Voting will re...
Viagra Could Be The Next Drug On Sports' Banned List
The World Anti-Doping Agency is looking into whether Viagra provides enhancement on the field as well as it does off. According to research, the assisted blood flow that gets your johnson jonesin' can also increase your cardiac performance. ...
Taste The Goodness Of Vicktory Dogs Wine
When I think of fine wine, I also think of dogs — who doesn't? Throw in Michael Vick, and you have an amusing little wine with a full-bodied locker room bouquet and just a hint of flea powder. Welcome to Carivintas Winery, a Southern California company which markets Vicktory Dogs Wine; 22 varieties ...
Ha! I Can Never Be Tackl ... Ohhh, Mommy!
This youngster here is obviously a fan of the classic, straight-ahead running style of now-retired Dolphins running back Larry Csonka. Ouch. I should have listened to mom when she suggested beginning golf. The question is, which hit was bigger: This one, or the one levied by the Eagles' Chris Goc...
New York HS Team Beefs Up At QB
Usually, "freak of nature" is a moniker reserved for an overly-gifted athlete with little regard for his teammates or the intricacies of game. But Ellenville (NY) High's Tony Casamento is a little bit different. Tony has to be the heaviest quarterback in America, checking in at a svelte 309 pounds. ...
Going For Gold At The Peasant Olympics
You didn't think that China spent $500 million of our hard-earned mortgage debt on the Bird's Nest just so some namby pamby athletes could run around inside it for two weeks and then let it sit empty, did you? There are plenty of other athletic contests that can be held there. Like the popular and e...
The NFC East Is One Big Hugfest
Kevin Boss, Amani Toomer, and Steve Smith (pictured receiving love from Brandon Jacobs) have been the recipients of Eli Manning's three touchdown passes as we head from afternoon to evening at the Meadowlands. It hasn't been all good for the media's new favorite Manning, he's tossed an interception ...