ap Page 1436 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Cavaliers Go Out With A Whimper
LeBron James had a triple-double, Mo Williams answered the bell, but when push came to shove the Cleveland Cavaliers laid down and took what the Celtics gave them. That was that. And now the basketball world....EXPLODES!...

Cavs-Celtics: Your NBA Playoff Open Thread
Watch LeBron James disappoint every single sportswriter in the universe again. Or watch him take one step closer to earning their forgiveness. [Yahoo!]...

TV People Confuse World Cup Host Country With Similarly Named Landmass
A reader sends this screengrab, from which we can deduce that either 1.) the poor kid doing the chyrons mixed up his large, Southern Hemispheric tracts of land or 2.) South Africa just won a war that no one knew about....

Stanford Guard Dismissed From Team After Golf Cart DUI
Fifth-year senior JJ Hones was arrested last week for "driving under the influence, reckless driving, evading a police officer and resisting arrest." Not bad considering her vehicle runs on batteries and easily tips over on fairways. [Fanhouse]...

The Phillies Are Probably Stealing Signs. So What?
After the Rockies accused Philadelphia of using binoculars to steal signs from the bullpen, MLB checked the video, and sure enough, they issued the Phillies a warning. We don't really see the problem with this....

Last Night's Winner: LeBron James Bearishness
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like every writer who's had a nuclear "Fuck LBJ" column rattling around in their brain. After James's performance last night, most of them pushed the red button....

LeBron Plays Basketball Poorly; City of Cleveland Placed On Suicide Watch
The Cleveland Cavaliers were absolutely pasted tonight, at home, by the old and previously-thought-to-be-decrepit Celtics. LeBron James was not much help. It's big "Uh Oh" time in Northeastern Ohio....

LeBron Plays Professional Basketball ... On Television!
If there was ever a night to own a wall of TVs that can each show their own channel....well, most nights are good for that, but it would be particularly helpful this evening. Let's the set the table:...

World Leaders Force Jays To Play Home Dates In Philly
MLB has moved the scheduled Blue Jays/Phillies series out of Toronto to avoid conflicting with the G20 summit. Jays fans are, shall we say, royally pissed....

Associated Press To Punish Brian Cushing For Making Its Voters Look Bad
The AP wants to reclaim Brian Cushing's Defensive Rookie of the Year Award, because giving prizes to drug cheats makes them look foolish. Almost as foolish as calling takebacks on meaningless post-season awards....

Montreal Forces Game 7, Philly Gets A Game 6
Playoff Updates: Canadiens, Flyers stay alive. Hawks still playing with only four guys, apparently....

Let's All Watch Baseball With The Sound Off Tonight
Before we go any further, can we all agree that this is just a little bit creepy? The tributes are nice, but I would prefer not to remember Ernie Harwell via cellphone pictures of him basking in the Detroit sun....

Because Shaking Hands With Brian Scalabrine Is A Total Jinx
Scalabrine, the red-headed bench warmer, never gets to join in any reindeer games. Maybe it was the Clark Griswold lounge-cruising footwear that caused Tony Allen and Big Baby Davis to just blatantly ignore him. (H/T MK Migraine) [YouTube]...

Steve Nash Beamed Into Conference Finals
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Other Things They Do In The 209, Apparently: Throw Perfect Games (UPDATE)
Dallas Braden, last seen hereabouts mistaking Stockton, Calif., for Tombstone, just threw the 19th perfect game in MLB history, against the Rays. They don't do much hitting in the 727, do they? UPDATE: And now Braden's grandmother starts shit-talking A-Rod, too....

Dwight Howard Copies That One Thing That LeBron Copied
Dwight Howard, the clown prince of the NBA, imitated LeBron James' sorta-not-really-his chalk toss before Game 2 against the Hawks. Dwight should go for broke next time; do MJ's tongue waggle while coming out of an Eagle County courthouse. [The Hoops Doctors]...

How To Change A Fucking Diaper
In honor of Mother's Day, and with a nod to The Awl, here is your belligerent guide to changing a kid's filth-laden diaper. You're welcome, assholes....

Miami University Had The Pukiest, Poopiest, Sexiest Spring Formal Ever
On April 9, 2010, Miami University's Pi Beta Phi fraternity for women held a spring formal at the quaint Lake Lyndsay Lodge in Hamilton, Ohio. The sloppy, slutty details of what transpired that boozy enchanted evening are tremendous....

For The Phillies, "V" Is For Victory. And Vagina.
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Private Stache: Magic The Gathering
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....