ap Page 1439 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Scott Stapp Ruins Baseball
Here's Stapp, known to you as lead singer for the band that made you hate both music and God, howling a song called "Marlins Will Soar." Sample lyric: "Let's play ball, it's gameday. We want strikeouts, base hits, double plays." [Stapp's Blog]...
Phillies' Season Officially Kicked Off By Lap Dance For The Handicapped
It's a couple days old, but we needed time to come to terms with this video of a man in a Jazzy Scooter getting ridden by one of Philly's, um, Phinest. [via Busted Coverage]...
Dodger Games Slightly Less Violent and Chaotic This Year
Did you know tailgating is illegal in Dodger Stadium parking lots? Neither did the 132 arrested at the home opener yesterday—which is still better than last season when a guy got stabbed. That's progress! [LA Times]...
Onion Sports Network Coming To Comedy Central
Comedy Central has ordered 10 episodes, which will air next year. It is unclear whether the series, referred to as "scripted," will be "The Daily Show, but, you know, for sports" or more of this with higher production values. [Hollywood Reporter]...
Jay Bruce Apologizes For Gesture That Offended Precisely No One
Oh, come on. Really? "It's not a laughing matter, obviously. It's one of the more stupid things I had ever done. It was an honest mistake. ... I want to apologize to the fans, my team, ownership, everyone who supports me." [MLB]...
Video Catches Cops Brutally Beating Maryland Student After Duke Game
After a Maryland student was seriously injured during the melee that followed the Terps big win over Duke last month, cops claimed he had attacked mounted policemen and was kicked by their horses. This videotape says they're dirty liars....
The Hedo Turkoglu Google-Commercial Parody Is Here To Creep You Out
This "parody" of those Google Search Story commercials is weird, to say the least, and bordering on bat-shit insane, to say more. While Turkoglu's been a bit of a disappointment this year, it's no reason to eat him. [YouTube]...
Family Values Win The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Phil Mickelson, who won his third Masters without even having to cheat on his cancer-stricken wife. Days like this make a sportswriter's job real easy....
The Rangers Are Oh So Alone....
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
You Should Be Watching Hockey This Weekend, Seriously
Remember when everyone was so into hockey that time? Ha! But there's plenty to love: the NCAA championship, an NHL playoff berth battle, and oh yeah, some Slovenian hockey players who won their league title then beat up their coach!...
Lou Piniella Bawls Out With His Balls Out
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Your Masters Open Thread (To Promote Discussion)
Possible topics for discussion: K.J. Choi and Fred Couples's taste in footwear. Talk below....
The Biggest Supporters Around
To conclude one of the boobsiest days in Deadspin history, here's this picture of some strategically placed fans/cameramen at last night's Thunder-Jazz and Penguins-Capitals trackmeets. Mutton wins again. H/t Eric and Patrick....
Last Night's Winner: Suspense
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like women's basketball fans, who experienced their first moment of uncertainty in two years. It only lasted a few minutes, but it sure was spooky....
Masters Security Keeps Gallery Free Of Tiger's Unsavory Skanks
"Security guards at Augusta National were actually carrying around a sheet with the mug shots of Woods' alleged mistresses, with one of the guards asking a woman at the fifth hole, "Are you the stripper?" That's nice work, boys. [Star-Ledger]...
Last Night's Winner: Butler Haters
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Duke Blue Devils, who captured the hearts of basketball fans world-wide by finally stopping the merciless hoops juggernaut known as Butler....
Vandy Pitcher Takes Liner Off Knee, Still Gets The Assist
Corey Williams, a redshirt freshman at Vanderbilt, had his knee obliterated by a hot shot up the middle and still recorded the 1-3 putout. I hope the next mound he pitches on has a ramp though....
Baseball Will Save Us Now: Opening Day, Opening Thread (Video Updates)
Today should be a national holiday, but most American workers are left attempting to follow the Real Opening Day from their sad, sad cubicles. Commiserate with your fellow wage slaves here. Afternoon baseball schedule below. (Update: Heyward/Buerhle highlights.)...
The NCAA Is Destroying The Men's Basketball Tournament
The 2010 men's championship has been one the most exciting and competitive basketball tournaments ever. I hope you enjoyed it, because it will be the last time. The NCAA is determined to ruin the best thing it ever created....
Annoying Flying Fish Slaps Woman In The Face
An influx of Asian carp to the Illinois River has given rise to extreme aerial bowfishing, a niche sport combining speedboats with archery. This is what happens when the fish fight back with some extreme aerial moves of their own....