ap Page 1457 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The One With Joakimpalooza And Being Scolded For Joy
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....
Meaningless Struggle: The Preseason Opener
Why do you watch preseason football? To prepare for hosting duties, I sat down last night to watch three of my least favorite things: 1. the Baltimore Ravens, 2. the Washington team, 3. an exhibition game....
The Worst American Sports Writing: Gene Wojciechowski
Writing. About sports. Sometimes it is so terrible it can make you cry, cry like a child who has learned his heroes have feet of clay. "Feet" meaning "buttocks" and "of clay" meaning "shot full of Dianabol." Here's Gene Wojciechowski....
Mob Justice Prevails Again (UPDATE #3)
Sick of seeing his overly-manicured facial hair plastered up all over Chicago, the suspected Wrigley Field beer chucker has turned himself in. We'll stay with this story all night if we have to! God, I feel like Nancy Grace....
Wrigley Beer-Tossing Hand Job Still At Large (UPDATE) (UPDATE NO)
I imagine that since we're very close to identifying the man who soaked Shane Victorino last night at Wrigley, that the Chicago PD are close as well....
Rich People Golf While You're At Work
The PGA Championship is under way. Follow along with the online leaderboard and it's almost like being outside! (Your cubicle has never felt so small and dark.) [PGA.com/ShaneBacon]...
Petey Throws Five Innings Of Slop For The Win
It wasn't pretty, or inspiring, but he did end up with the win. And Charlie Manuel used the hillbilly logic to monitor his new, old pitcher: "Five innings and he was ready to be got." [Philly.com]...
Stay Classy, Cubs Fans (UPDATE)
So, yeah, this happened tonight. Maybe it's time to retire that old stereotype of Philly having the worst fans? The culprit identified, after the jump....
What To Expect From "Hard Knocks: Cincinnati Bengals"
The Cincinnati Bengals are not quite the trainwreck they once were, but everyone is still hoping for some kind of entertainment value out of this year's edition of HBO's "Hard Knocks" docudrama. Don't get your hopes up....
Your U.S.A. vs. Mexico Open Live Thread Thingy
Fire up, gringos! It's like the original Mexican-American War, only with less malaria. The winner gets to punch Lou Dobbs in the face; loser gets to keep Texas. Olé your brains out in comments....
Don't Even Think About Posting Stolen Baron Davis Photos
Baron Davis' laptop was stolen and he would really like it back. But just to be safe, his lawyer is preemptively threatening to sue the ass off anyone who publishes the personal photos and videos that might be on it....
Brady Quinn-Derek Anderson Feud Gets Catty
Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn are both listed as No. 1 on the Browns depth chart, although I don't believe the NFL's plan to add a second football to gameplay will take effect this year. So let the sabotage begin!...
For A Brief Moment, The College Football World Was Turned On Its Head
Our thanks to all 8,358 of you who sent in this screengrab (click to enlarge), which depicts Bruce Feldman, ESPN The Magazine's college football savant, fearlessly forecasting the Florida Atlantic Owls into the national title game....
There Is Nothing Funny About This Picture
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
All The Umpires Must Be Shot
Victorino's inexplicable ejection prompted Sporting Blogger, Dan Levy, to seethe: "Somewhere along the way in, umpires forgot the game isn't about them. They stand on the field to call balls and strikes, out and safe, and that's it" [SportingBlog]...
Book Excerpts That Don't Suck: "The Football Fan's Manifesto"
Today's a glorious day. Michael Tunison aka Kwanzaa Primate's utterly fantastic book has arrived and he's graciously given us an excerpt. Plus! He's here to live chat with you. Buy it then pepper him with inane questions....
Appalachian State QB Sidelined By Lawn Mowing Injury
Armanti Edwards, who is 32-5 as App State's starting quarterback, ran over his own foot while mowing the lawn. He'll be out 2-4 weeks. That's why you should only let racist National League baseball fans do your yard work. [TheState]...
The Eyes Of Texas Are Upon You
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Louis CK Is The Best Stand-Up Comic Of His Generation
I did a horrible, awkward podcast with Jeff Garlin a while back, and he complained that standup comedy is never discussed as an art form. Okay Jeff, well let's do that....
Alexander Ovechkin Is Here To Do Two Things: Play Hockey And Sex Your Women
And hockey season is over. Russia Today gets to the bottom Alex Ovechkin's life, complete with helpful on-screen guides. Revelations: He's ugly, sadness makes him cry, and sex is good. You're welcome. [Puck Duddy]...