ap Page 1470 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Saints: America's Guilty Conscience Team
Like most of you who decided that NFL Sunday Ticket isn't quite valuable enough to make up for the utter uselessness of DirectTV, we spent yesterday at a sports bar, looking past the impromptu games of beer pong to watch hundreds of television screens full of football. And we saw what we're sure y...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while discovering the structure of the DNA molecule ... • NFL: Colts 24, Ravens 7. Once again, loser has to remain in Baltimore. • NFL: 49ers beat Rams, plan world domination and conquest of space. • MLB: Big Unit (that's Randy Johnson, sorry, those of you visiting us on a break from...
Advantage: Navratilova
Legitimate belly laughs from our pals at Onion-esque satirical site SportsPickle this morning: Martina Navratilova Toting Around a Battery-Powered Maria Sharapova Bobblehead Doll. Best part:...
Alberts Crosses Almighty ESPN, Pays Price
Hell hath no fury like a college football analyst scorned, apparently. ESPN college football analyst Trev Alberts was canned yesterday after refusing to come into work on Sunday, which, on Labor Day Weekend, is kind of a key day for college football analysts to work. Apparently Alberts was frustra...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while stuck firmly in the tire swing ... • MLB: Pedro tees 'em up, Phillies hit 'em out. Ah, that's the Mets we know. • A day after taking first batting practice, an exhausted Bonds takes a day off. • Marlins' Hermida peaks at 21; hits grand slam in first major league at-bat....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while writing a musical based on the movie "Fargo" ... • Puberty — nature's steroids. Hawaii wins Little League World Series. • Speaking of steroids: Giambi's 7 RBI lift Yankees. • Danica Patrick proves that women drivers are just as capable as men when it comes to ... wait, she just...
Larry Bowa, Civic Wonder
To combine reality and fantasy for a moment, ESPN analyst Larry Bowa has been named a Distinguished Little League Graduate award. In response, the ever-refined Larry Bowa responded through the great Yard Work:...
Shapiro's Depature Makes S.A.S. Sweat
Since the ratings for "Quite Frankly With Stephen A. Smith" — currently lighting it up with a 0.1 rating — have been so bad, and now that head overlord Mark Shapiro is leaving, people are wondering if Smith's show is still safe without Shapiro's protective cover. We're still confused about how Smi...
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While Watching The Office Ladies Attack The Copy Machine Repairman ... · Clemens Roughed Up In Loss. We tell you, that guy's too old to pitch. · Phils, Nats Split Huge Doubleheader. Sharing is good, you guys. Don't get greedy. · Bears, Benson Still Far Apart On Contract. The good new...
Shapiro Finally Sets ESPN And Viewers Free
It's official: ESPN overlord Mark Shapiro is leaving the network to run Redskins midget Daniel Snyder's bid to take over the Six Flags franchise. (His last day is October 1. Rest assured, you'll be hearing from him — and us — a ton.)...
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While "Reorganizing Your Sock Drawer," If you Know What We Mean (Which We Don't)... · Phillies tie for wild-card lead. Ryan Howard immediately organizes holdout. · Padres storm to under .500 division lead. The pennant will be a white flag. · Mourning Returns To Heat. Funny; we have a...
Maria Sharapova's Vanishing Nipples
Maria Sharapova has long been accused of being more popular for her body than for her tennis (as if the two were mutually exclusive). And now she's beginning to hear rumblings that the streams are being crossed even further. Sharapova announced yesterday that she's going to miss the Rogers Cup be...
All Told, Mark Shapiro Would Just Rather You Die
Speaking of ESPN head overlord Mark Shapiro, he had a pretty money quote to SI.com this week. Talking to "media critic" Richard Deitsch, Shapiro explained why the network might have been interested in a Mike Tyson reality show a couple of years ago, but isn't anymore....
Fun With ESPN's Ombudsman
We repeat: We find it hysterical that ESPN has hired an ombudsman — former Washington Post editor George Solomon — to tell it when it's operating outside the boundaries of journalistic ethics. We mean, it's ESPN: Duh. Anyway, Solomon does his monthly tilting at windmills this morning, and as alway...
The Primal Grunts Of Maria Sharapova (And Her Fans)
You know it's a bad sign for your sports when all anyone can find to talk about are how much your athletes grunt. (This has to be why synchronized swimming never made it.) Tennis star Maria Sharapova's grunts have been legend for years, but recently, of all people, Fox News anchor Shephard Smith ...
Would You Call This A Throw Pillow?
We've never been to Japan, but we have heard many stories, most notably about all the varied ways a blond girl from the United States could make some really easy and strange money simply by hanging around with uptight Japanese businessmen half her height. We always chalked these up to urban legen...
F1 CEO Proves To Best Cro-Magnon Boss In The Business
Until about a week ago, you'd probably never heard of Bernie Ecclestone. This is because you're probably an American, and you don't pay any attention to Formula One Racing, the organization Ecclestone is the president and CEO of. A friend of ours who knows Formula One much better than we do says E...
Bobby Abreu's Otherworldly Restraint
All right, now, we pay pretty close attention to this sports business. (We do it for a living, after all.) But we'll fess up: We had heard nothing about this Bobby Abreu story from last month. Maybe it's because we don't watch Spanish language TV. But still....
Bidding For Danica
We find it encouraging that a female athlete could be a part of a bidding war — and Playboy isn't involved at all. Word has started to rumble (can word "rumble?") that Nascar could make a play for young Danica. She'd certainly have to sing at Wrigley "Stadium" better than Jeff Gordon did....
Fat Drivers Whine
Last week, before the Indianapolis 500, Nascar dolt Robby Gordon said it was unfair that Danica Patrick was so light, saying she had a natural advantage for speed, being so spindly. We found this amusing, because once we find the one advantage women have over men in the world of sports, some idiot...