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Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Vince Carter Remains Vince Carter, Drains Threes Over Hapless Knicks
If you have not watched a Hawks game on TV lately, you may have missed a number of ESPN graphics reminding you incessantly and in various creative ways that Vince Carter is old, older than his team’s entire roster combined, old enough to be Trae Young’s dad’s dad, so old he played pickup with James ...
The USMNT Is An Absolute Joke, And It's All U.S. Soccer's Fault
There’s a good chance that a significant number of people reading this article weren’t even alive the last time Canada beat the United States in soccer, on April 2, 1985. Thirty-four years later, and almost exactly two years since the atrocity in Couva, the USMNT has once again fallen to our neighbo...
What Art Briles Brought To The Town That Never Asked For Him
MOUNT VERNON, Texas – There had never been a line like this before. Not here, at least. It was ridiculous, obscene. The first people in line queued up just before 4:30 p.m. They stood there, up against the closed ticket window, huddling underneath the small awning as it poured rain, and then, when t...
It's The Beginning Of The End For Marcus Mariota In Tennessee
After all the angst over Jameis Winston vs. Marcus Mariota at the top of the 2015 draft, the answer may well turn out to be: neither of them. (Or, possibly: Sean Mannion.) Winston is still doing his thing, alternating brief stretches of competence with mindbending turnovers, while Mariota offers mor...
Even Aníbal Sánchez Started To Believe He Had His No-Hitter Secured
With the Nationals’ postseason demons exorcised, and the team now navigating uncharted playoff territory, it seemed only right that this anything-is-possible type of magic carried over into specific areas of the team to elevate certain players. Still, as Washington and St. Louis entered the bottom o...
Antiques Shitshow: How Much Is My Ron Artest Kings Jersey Worth, Besides "Everything To Me"?
As I remember it, the decision to buy my white Ron Artest Sacramento Kings jersey was not a reasoning one. The decision to buy a basketball jersey, as someone who will probably only ever wear it during the six days per year that I am at or near a beach, is inherently not a reasonable one. And yet I ...
A Brief Interview With A Man Who Faithfully Recreates LeBron's Instagram As If He Were A Giraffe
An artist who goes by “Maso Rich” has produced hyper-faithful, parallel-universe versions of the Instagram accounts of LeBron James and Steph Curry. In these universes, LeBron is a giraffe and Steph, in an inspired bit of casting, is a bush baby. Deadspin spoke with Maso Rich on the phone to underst...
Art Briles Already In Trouble In First Season As Head Coach At Texas High School
It appears disgraced former Baylor head football coach Art Briles has brought scandal to his new team, the Mount Vernon Tigers of the Mount Vernon Independent School District, in (you guessed it) Mount Vernon, Texas. Briles and his high school program were publicly reprimanded by a unanimous six-mem...
Jonathan Martin Avoids Jail Time On Felony Charges With Mental Health Diversion
Former Dolphins offensive lineman Jonathan Martin will not face any jail time for the charges brought against him for threats he made on an Instagram post in February 2018. According to a report from Nancy Dillon of the New York Daily News, Martin was instead granted a mental health diversion progra...
Videos Of Jay Gruden Out Partying Have Recirculated With Suspicious Timing
Videos featuring Washington football coach Jay Gruden out on the town smoking a cigarette of some kind, as well as spitting game at what appears to be a much younger woman, have been making the rounds online over the past day or so....
Everyone Mad At Ronald Acuña Jr. Over Baserunning
The Cardinals are mad at Braves superstar Ronald Acuña Jr. for how he ran the bases in Game 1 Thursday night. You can probably guess, that’s some musty “play the right way” bullcrap. But it turns out Acuña’s own teammates are mad at him over a completely different baserunning issue, and when your te...
![Braves Pitcher Injures Self While Warming Up On The Mound, Replacement Gives Up Dinger On First Strike [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/mmvs42gxlpe9xv5eudo1.png)
Braves Pitcher Injures Self While Warming Up On The Mound, Replacement Gives Up Dinger On First Strike [Update]
Before he got a chance to throw his first pitch of the postseason, Chris Martin of the Atlanta Braves was taken off the mound with an athletic trainer by his side just as the top of the eighth inning was officially about to begin. Martin appeared to injure himself during his initial warmup pitches, ...
Come On, The Red Sox Can't Actually Get Rid Of Mookie Betts, Can They?
The 84-78 Boston Red Sox did not provide their fans with a very satisfying season of baseball, but a team experiencing a down year right after winning a championship isn’t unheard of, and this campaign could and probably should have passed without anyone who follows the team slipping into a panic. U...
Shirtless, Suspended Striker Chris Wondolowski Went Apeshit In The San Jose Supporters Section
No one represents the San Jose Earthquakes better than striker Chris Wondolowski, who decided to serve his red-card suspension on Wednesday night by embedding himself in the Earthquakes supporters section and generally acting like a lunatic. That was particularly true when San Jose scored early to t...
Look At This Butt Goal
Own goals usually leave defenders red-faced, but the cheeks of Sparta Prague defender Michal Sáček’s ass were most likely the redder after his butt scored an own goal in Sunday’s match against Slavia Prague:...
Reports: Mark Dantonio Ignored Warnings From Three Staffers When Recruiting Player Later Sent To Prison
Former Michigan State staffer Curtis Blackwell said under oath that three football team staffers warned head coach Mark Dantonio about serious potential issues with four-star recruit Auston Robertson before the program signed him in 2016, according to multiple reports. In 2017, Robertson was charged...
The Good NFL Quarterbacks Are Falling Apart
Even leaving aside the headaches and nausea that are specific to the fans of the Jets and Giants, and the flu-like symptoms that universally apply to all AFC South games, watching the NFL does something to a person. You may sit down in front of a game as a normal human—again, not applicable to Jets ...
The Sport That Can't Stick To Sports
Dublin beat Kerry 1-18 to 0-15 on Saturday to take their fifth straight All-Ireland football championship, and become the first team to five-peat in the history of the Gaelic Athletic Association’s annual national inter-county tournament. And we’re talking a long history: Dublin and Kerry first face...
Pac-12 Admits Officials Missed Critical Penalty On Last Play In Arizona State's Upset Of Michigan State
Things got weird at the end of Arizona State’s ugly 10-7 victory over No. 18 Michigan State in East Lansing last Saturday. The Spartans were in ASU territory and with 11 seconds left in the fourth quarter, MSU kicker Matt Coghlin appeared to connect from 42 yards and redeem two earlier misses by sen...