as Page 2373 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
New Defense Secretary A Closet Online Football Chatterer
Robert Gates, as those of you who lower yourselves to pay attention to the world outside of sports might know, was confirmed by the U.S. Senate as the new Secretary of Defense, replacing Donald Rumsfeld, the Marty Mornhinweg of foreign policy. Gates was most recently president of Texas A&M Universit...
Bonds Back In Only Place That Truly Loves Him
Well, now we can breathe easy over here; Barry Bonds won't be going to St. Louis. (And now that he's not, we'd like to note that we would have never sold out our principles to root for him. Nope! No way! Obviously! Of course not!)...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while applying cologne to your ... well, just see No. 10 ... • NFL: Willie Parker sets Steelers rushing mark in win over Browns in the least-TiVoed game of the season so far. • NBA: Pow! Pistons surprise Mavericks in Dallas. • NHL: Shootout! Henrik Lundqvist, you're our hero....
Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Carl Monday Vs. Stephen A. Smith
All right: Time for the next step in the Elite Eight. This thing is gonna fly by now, by the way; the final two Elite Eight matchups will be next week, and then it's Final Four time, and then, jeez, then this whole virtual construction is completed. To remind you, here's the bracket (Berman's got a ...
Sadly, She Was Only On Level One
What happens when you cross Million Dollar Baby with The Miracle Worker? You get this; which we suppose is video boxing, but could also be a clearcut case of demonic possession. We blame two things for these deeply troubling images: The new wireless Wii remote, and Title IX. Clearly there are flaws ...
Buy Dontrelle Willis Some Dishware
We don't want to be known as some kind of Negative Nellie in the world of sports; we like sunshine and rainbows and all kinds of pretty things that might or might not have tails. We support nice happy stories, like anything involving the Marlins' Dontrelle Willis, whom could very well be the most ...
Does This Mean No Halftime Show?
And suddenly, "Malice at the Palace" seems so childishly innocent. Several police officers and fans were injured Wednesday during a huge brawl at a Serbian professional basketball game, as rival fans went at it before tipoff. The Serbs; they know how to party....
Bonds In St. Louis, And What It Could Mean For The Human Condition
Part of being a sports fan is making internal deals with yourself. Sure, you might despise, say, Charles Oakley when he's on the other team, but when he's on your team, he's indispensable and the guy you scream for. No matter what he has done in the past, no matter how much he has hurt your team or ...
Keeping The Rug In Place While Underwater
Just to continue our early-morning motif of embarassing photos of coaches and managers, we present this photo of Kansas coach Bill Self, splashing around with his troops in Hawaii before the tournament last week....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while finally agreeing to disconnect the feeding tube from Michigan's national title hopes ... • NHL: It seems strange to say "Oilers and Hurricanes" and "rematch of Stanley Cup finals" in the same sentence, but there you have it. • College basketball: Bobby Knight will soon be maste...
ESPN Wants Your Gritty Slices Of Urban Life
So, let's see: We have ESPN The Weekend, ESPN The Restaurant, ESPN The Radio Station, ESPN The Magazine, ESPN The Cellphone Provider, ESPN The Video Game Content Survivor and, inevitably, ESPN The Bi-Curious Brothel. What's next? Well, how about ESPN The Film Festival!...
East Coast Mascot Hostilities Show No Signs Of Abating
Karma's a bitch, especially for costumed Ram mascots. University of Rhode Island mascot Rhody Ram learned that over the weekend, when he was assaulted outside of a restroom at a college basketball game. You may recall another, older, incident involving Rhody from the video above, in which the mascot...
How In The World Could These Guys Ever Lose?
The boys pictured here are not, in fact, the 2007-08 freshman recruits for Northwestern; actually, they're the Ohio State-Marion Scarlet Wave, who not only own one of the sillier team nicknames we can remember — what is a "Scarlet Wave," exactly? — but are also the team that lost 201-78 last weeke...
Saints' Wheezer Nailed For Inhaler Doping
The poor soul unfortunate enough to have been caught in the extreme closeup lens of a Getty Images photographer last week, seen here, is New Orleans Saints defensive tackle Hollis Thomas, who yesterday was suspended for four games by the NFL for violating its steroid policy....
Tony LaRussa's Wife Cashes In Some Chips
You know, when you manage a baseball team, you're away from your family most of the year, so when the offseason comes, and you go home, you kind of owe your wife and family some favors. They've earned them....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while watching a wiener dog chase a bear ... • NBA: "No thanks, I think I'll pass ..." Nash dishes 20 assists as Suns drop Kings. • NHL: Red Wings ruin Brett Hull Night the only way they know how. • College basketball: LSU stops Texas A&M ... and, let the Big Baby hype officially beg...
Jeffrey Maier Wants To Return And Screw Over The Orioles Again
You might remember that Jeffrey Maier, the infamous Yankees fan who might have cost the Orioles a win in the 1996 American League Championship Series, was hoping to be selected in the amateur draft earlier this year. Well, it didn't quite happen the way he wanted, so now, at the Winter Meetings — ...
You Say Seymour, We Say Pusey, Let's Call The Whole Thing Off
In July, we told you about Lucious Pusey, freshman linebacker for Eastern Illinois University. We also mentioned that he had petitioned to legally change his name to Lucious Seymour, an instinct we absolutely understand....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while wondering in the doctor's office if your cell plan includes "ass waiting" ... • NFL: Happy Feet ... Eagles' Jeff Garcia scrambles past Panthers. • NBA: The Streak is dead ... Mavericks cannot withstand the power of Agent Zero's wrath. • NHL: Marty Turco laughs at your feeble sc...
Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Barbaro Vs. Lamar Thomas
All right, we know this is supposed to just run Tuesdays and Thursdays, but we decided that we were too eager to finally get this first round overwith so we can start the second round tomorrow. (SI's curious pick of Mr. Wade made us decide to speed up the process a bit.) So, this is the final first ...