as Page 2409 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Brief History Of Quincy Carter
For those who remember, and for those who can't forget:...
Random YouTube Finding Of The Week
Not excited enough for the Western Conference Finals tonight? Well, if this video doesn't pump you up, nothing will....
ESPN Bonds Chroniclers About To Be Released Into The Wild
We would say our long national nightmare is almost over, but we have a feeling the nightmare was only in our heads all along....
One Awfully Strange Way Of Celebrating
We don't know how we missed this the other evening, but apparently, with seconds left and the Mavericks all set to celebrate, coach Avery Johnson ran down the bench to make a substitution. In all his excitement and hurry, he appears to have pulled a Reggie Evans on Josh Howard....
The Closer: Mets Host Enormous Sleepover
Notes from a day in baseball:...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while telling everyone you meet "you're no Jack Kennedy." ... • NBA Playoffs: Introducing Antoine Walker, Gary Payton and Jason Williams; remember them? Heat beat Pistons to take Game 1. • Soccer: Well, this can't bode well. U.S. loses to Morocco 1-0, plus Claudio Reyna strains hamst...
When You're Talking Sex, You're Talking Enron Field
On Sunday, the Houston Astros shutout the Texas Rangers 5-0 in Houston, securing a series win over their in-state rivals. To celebrate, a Houston policeman at the game decided to have sex with two women. Makes sense!...
Why Matt Drudge Shouldn't Be Allowed To "Write" About Sports
Last night, at about 11 p.m., we started receiving emails about a supposed interview the Drudge Report had linked, stating that Barry Bonds had claimed not only would he pass Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron, but also Japanese slugger Sadaharu Oh. That's the headline right there. We followed the link to W...
Mariotti Now Universally Acclaimed As Lazy, Slobbish, Gassy
It's tough to decide whom to dislike more: White Sox catcher AJ Pierzynski or Chicago Sun-Times and "Around The Horn" gasbag Jay Mariotti. Particularly if you're a Cubs fan. After the big interleague tussle last weekend, Pierzynski was on "Pardon The Interruption" yesterday and went after Mariotti...
A Ball Just Doesn't Go As Far As It Used To
It's official: Barry's balls are shrinking. Um, we mean the worth of Barry's balls is ... no. What we mean to say is, oh forget it. Let's start over. Baseball collector and comic book artist Todd McFarlane is not as interested in Barry's balls as he once was ... Dammit!...
Seminoles Institute New "Anti-Cocaine" Policy
Some bad news for Jon Kreft, that Florida State recruit who was arrested for having cocaine in his ass (that's a crime??!!): The Seminoles have rescinded their scholarship offer. He clearly has failed to met the exemplary moral standards expected of the students of Florida State University....
At Last, Nash And Nowitzki, Together Again
While trying to find video of a time when Mavericks coach Avery Johnson's voice was deep — we imagine it just one day rising, like reverse puberty — we came across this apparent promotional video for the Mavs. "The Avery Bunch" are heading to the Western Conference Finals, where they will face the P...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while kissing Lilly, sending Eddie off to school and getting into another hair-brained scheme with Grandpa ... • NHL Playoffs: 'Canes Mutiny: Rampant Tropical Weather Systems even series with Sabres. • MLB: Richie Sexson and grand slam just kind of go together, don' they? Mariners be...
Hasselhoff, Nowitzki Lead Mavs Past Spurs
Boy, man, is Mark Cuban's billion-dollar penis ever gonna come out and play tonight....
It's Western Conference March Madness
We know a few people, Midwesterners, mostly, sometimes with their own little biases, who claim to love college basketball but are left cold by the NBA. We don't understand this, but even they can't deny the beauty of tonight: Two games, both elimination, winners play each other in the conference fin...
Two Bald Guys, Ruling Everything
Pity the poor parents of anyone who might have been featured on ESPN's coverage of track and field yesterday; we imagine them readying to watch their dear child heave the shot put or hoist a javelin, years of support and pride and sweat finally being showcased on national television ... and then, ...
Many Japanese Baseball People Screaming
Someone sent us this "video" that appears to be a commercial for a Japanese baseball ... something. We have no idea what it's about, what's going on, or what it means ... but we do know that we are truly philosophically scarred by the whole thing....
The Pain Of Life As A Royals Fan
We watched all three Cardinals-Royals games over the weekend, on the Royals television affiliate — which had a charming, low rent, public access, Wayne's World feel — and we can say with as much certainty as we can muster that the Royals are the worst team we've seen in a long, long time. It's not...
The David Wells Mad Lib
Obviously, David Wells — as evidenced by his appearance on the waiver wire in just about every fantasy league we're in — is much more useful as a quote machine these days than as an actual baseball player. And he's never more amusing than when he's being edited to suit the taste of the delicate ne...