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Joey Goldstein Was A New York City Legend
"I am not a hustler. I am a practitioner who enlightens the American populace and brings joy to the world." Joey Goldstein....

How Grantland Screwed Up The Story Of Essay Anne Vanderbilt, Inventor
This weekend, Gerri Jordan, proprietor of Yar Golf, agreed to speak with me about the chain of events that led to the October suicide of her partner, Essay Anne Vanderbilt. Today, she declined to carry through. "I have spoken with an attorney," she wrote in an email, "and we are gathering informatio...

Four Kings Stop Trying Against Brad Marchand, Give Up Shorthanded Goal
This shorthanded goal isn't possible without some effort by the Bruins' Brad Marchand, but what sloppy defense from the Kings....

Nick Faldo Is A Cupcake Magician
Spoiler alert: it's not really magic. Faldo was giving Gary Player a hard time about his fitness advocacy and played like he was going to eat the cupcake before tossing it over his shoulder. It hit the glass window behind the booth and stuck there. ...

"14 Minutes Of Pissed Off Goalies" Delivers What It Promises
The title of this video is "14 Minutes of Pissed Off Goalies" and that is an accurate and succinct description. It's got it all: NHL, minor league, international hockey and both on-and-off ice fun, too. Tuukka Rask losing his balance, Patrick Roy losing his mind and the great soundbite of Ryan Mille...

Confessions Of A Tonya Harding Apologist
I was 5 years old when I fell in love with Tonya Harding. The year was 1988, and I had just taken up figure skating. My favorite aunt, Julie, had recently moved from my Maryland neighborhood to Portland, Ore., and I was determined to find something to like about the state. Tonya, a scrappy Oregonian...
![Roundup: Your Best Clark The Cub Photoshop Contest Submissions [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/19ctxj7urldbhjpg.jpg)
Roundup: Your Best Clark The Cub Photoshop Contest Submissions [NSFW]
Clark the Cub may very well go down as the best Photoshop contest subject in Deadspin history. We asked you to do horrible things to him, and you came through. Here now is your best work....


Messi Obliterates Defense And Scores In First Start Since Injury
Uh, yeah. Messi Back....

The Real Reason Ashley Wagner Made The U.S. Olympic Figure Skating Team
On Sunday, U.S. Figure Skating gave the final spot on its three-member women's Olympic team to Ashley Wagner, even though she had fallen twice the previous day during an "embarrassing" skate at the national championships in Boston. The other selections were Gracie Gold, the newly crowned national ch...

IOC Forces U.S. Olympic Goalie To Take Constitution Off Mask
That up there was the mask U.S. women's hockey goalie Jessie Vetter was going to wear at the Sochi Olympics. At least until the IOC forced her to take an image of the Constitution off the back....

Handball Player Scores Crazy Goal With Ingenious Ball Spin
This is one of those moves Falcao Mikkel Hansen has probably practiced on the playground(?) courts for years before finally unleashing in game. I wonder what the goalie's thinking....

The Wizards' Bandwagon Cam Is Brilliant
If you show up to a Wizards game decked out in the opposition's gear, prepare to be shamed on the jumbotron. This is the Wizards' bandwagon cam (we got a glimpse of this last night, but now we have video), which picks out fans who flaunt their flimsy affiliations with powerhouses like the Heat so th...

Jameer Nelson Did The Big Balls Dance
Last night's Bulls-Magic game was a three-overtime thriller marked by plenty of big shots, but it would just have been a standard 101-99 Bulls win if not for Jameer Nelson and his big balls. Here we see Nelson tying the game with a jumper in the closing seconds of the fourth quarter, and then hitti...

Greg Oden Played Basketball!
For the first time in more than four years, star-cross'd Greg Oden put on a uniform, entered an official NBA game, and dunked a basketball. His first thought? "It was a feeling of 'Get back on defense.'"...

Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Goal Off Goalie's Taint
Cristiano Ronaldo, fresh off of his 2013 Ballon d'Or, scored a goal after the ball bounced between the legs of Osasuna keeper Andres Fernandez and in for a 1-0 lead....

Meanwhile, in Chicago, Joel Reese defends Clark the Pantsless Cub. Neil Steinberg does not. Some highlights: "Horror ... pantsless obscenity ... Smurf-like blandness ... monstrosity ... homogenized ... this excrescence ... designed to pacify the sick children it visits in hospitals (thus freeing act...

What Every NFL Logo Would Look Like If It Were A Hipster
The man who has brought us so much joy by doing ridiculous, hilarious things to the logos of NFL teams has struck again. Today, artist David Rappoccio unveiled his latest collection: each NFL logo re-imagined as a hipster. Smug hipster jaguar is particularly inspired, but there are many more good on...

Comcast SportsNet Airs Our Version Of Cubs Mascot With Cock And Balls
Earlier this week we introduced you to terrifying Cubs mascot Clark The Cub and invited you to do horrible things to him. We started you off with Jim Cooke's full-frontal rendition, which is exactly what Comcast SportsNet Mid-Atlantic aired to viewers across the Washington, D.C. area tonight....