ill Page 639 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

You Knew You Could Count On Shaq For A Micheal Jackson [<i>Sic</i>] Tribute

Yeah, But You Still Have To Live In Pennsylvania

Quaker staters, use your hand to shield your eyes from your three championship trophies, together for the first time. And take your other hand out of your pants. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]...

From Your Very Special Guest Editor

Last time I wrote on this page, it was with unbridled cautious optimism for Trent Edwards and the 2008 Buffalo Bills. Was I wrong? Yes and no. Well, actually, just yes....

Now It's Aaron Sorkin's Turn To Fail At Writing A <em>Moneyball</em> Script

Columbia has enlisted Sorkin, the sanctimonious West Wing creator last seen making Ed Asner say "Macau" over and over, to write a draft of the star-crossed Moneyball script. Such waste. Such inefficiency. Somebody could write a bestselling book about this....

Where Is The Brotherly Love?

Just when race relations in the United States seemed all hunky-dory — welcome to the White House, Mr. President — a swim club in Philadelphia kicks out 60 minority campers because they would "change the complexion" of the club....

Now It's Time To Let Your Star Shine

So the new commenting system is live. Please hop to the bottom section and test it out. I'm sure there will be kinks, complaints, confusion and minor chaos. Feel free to contact bugs with the real boners....

Bartolo Colon "Found," Still Mourning Michael Jackson

There's no visual evidence of Bartolo Colon's whereabouts—NASA is working on it—but the White Sox say he will pitch tonight. His "disappearance" was really just an aversion to phones and an inability to cope with MJ's passing....

Swoosh Denies LBJ Dunk Cover-Up, Unconvincingly

The flash, apparently official: Nike is now making the implausible case that the two hapless videographers at the LeBron James Skills Academy had flouted a longstanding, super-inviolate "no videotaping" commandment and therefore had to be frisked....

Rick Reilly® Celebrates After Scoring Big Interview With Lance Armstrong's Ass

But before that, Rick Reilly® was apparently wandering aimlessly on a French road and this nice photographer lady picked him up. Then they went back to the hotel and slammed beers....

The Dunk Was "As Good As It Could've Been Hyped Up To Be"

Ryan Miller, the would-be Zapruder whose video of LeBron getting Tom Chambered was commandeered by a Nike goon, has offered a few more details about the incident. Namely: The dunk was awesome, and Bron-Bron was kind of a prick....

Have You Seen This Fat Guy?

The White Sox seemed to have lost something. It's about six feet high, 250 pounds (roughly), and occasionally has trouble locating its curveball. Oh, and it's scheduled to start tonighttomorrow so if you've seen a Bartolo Colon anywhere, please call....

The Critic-Proofing Of Lance Armstrong

The ad you see here is the new Lance Armstrong spot for Nike, which would be merely standard-issue, inspiromatic marketing schlock if it didn't come so creepily close to suggesting that to criticize Lance now is to somehow enable cancer....

How Leagues Learned To Stop Loving And Worry About Steroids

The peril of steroids, like the Internet, wasn't apparent 40 years ago when Sports Illustrated published a prescient story about PEDs. In retrospect now, with steroids as dangerous as the Internet is real, professional sports appear more oblivious than ever....

Just In Case You Wanted To Know What A Dwarf Wrestler Funeral Looks Like

Those two little masked heroes that were killed by bandit hookers last week had a well-attended funeral, which could have easily been mistaken for a Rob Zombie film. [The Sun via BarStoolSports]...

Steve McNair's Death Doesn't Make <i>SI</i> Cover

The May 3, 2004 Pat Tillman cover was the last time Sports Illustrated put a professional athlete's death on the next week's cover. This week's has a cover line about Wimbledon, but no hint of S.L. Price's elegant McNair tribute....

Oh, Jason, You've Really Gone And Done It Now...

Jason Whitlock wrote a face-slapper of a column about Serena Williams where he says things like this: "I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin." Jezebels...ATTACK!...

Boston Celtics Ramp Up Their "Get Older" Strategy

Calm and rational Rasheed Wallace has agreed to play for the Celtics for two years. Next on the shopping list: Grant Hill. (Seriously.) Because the problem with their 2009 team was obviously not enough injury/character questions. [Boston Herald]...

Bill Plaschke's Unhealthy Manny Obsession

Professional grumpypants Bill Plaschke really hates Manny Ramirez. In fact, the only thing he hates more than Manny is people who refuse to hate Manny as much as he does. Why can't they see what Bill Plaschke sees?...

Oh, And The Mets Looked Great This Weekend

To be fair, Johan Santana did run up against Joe Blanton, a card-carrying furry. Even with this much-needed sweep, it still feels like the Marlins are going to backdoor the NL East when no one's looking.[Philly.com]...

Tiger Woods Calls Yankee Stadium Tickets "Overpriced"

This just might be the boldest political stance he's ever taken. He's also "no fan of the h1n1 virus" and thought The Hangover was "funny". Oh, and he's +1 today and tied for the lead at the AT&T National....