kings Page 97 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

And A New Philly Slogan Is Born
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Bring Me The Third Nipple Of Drew Magary And The New York Football Giants
According to the receipt from last night at Ace Bar, there were 42 Irish car bombs consumed in five hours. The Colts won that game, right?...

Philadelphia at Minnesota: A Playoff Game Of No Importance
No one here really cares about the outcome of this game, but feel free to comment your little hearts out during the 4:00 NFC Wild Card Game....

The Battle of Big Daddy Balls
One of my favorite parts of any playoff season is when the mayors of the opposing cities playing make silly food-related bets on the game's outcome....

A Vulgar Display of Power
Pretty fascinating look at the year in ESPN's NFL Power Rankings. The Atlanta Falcons were actually ranked dead last at the beginning of the year. [Simon On Sports]...

Vikings Fans Tepid Or Poor
14,000 seats still available for the Vikings/Eagles (A.K.A. The Battle Of Big Daddy Balls) game on Sunday. Expect those empty seats to be green by tomorrow if Vikes' fans don't shape up. [Rand Ball]...

If You Can, Everyone Please Go See Your Grandmothers, Right Now
I went home for Christmas, and I dropped by and saw my grandmother. She's a very nice lady....

The Definition Of A Slow News Week
Minnesota Vikings safety Darren Sharper visited a TV station in the middle of the night and parked in a handicapped spot. That is all. [Star-Tribune]...

R.I.P. Dock Ellis: The Curveball That Rode The Dragon
It is fitting that the great Dock Ellis died on a Friday, which is the worst day to die. Nobody pays attention to news on Saturdays....

Grierson And Leitch, At The Movies
When I was in high school, I wanted to be Roger Ebert when I grew up....

Reggie Theus Fired
Theus is the sixth NBA coach to be fired so far this year, the most ever canned before Christmas. But is it too late to save the Deering Tornadoes season? [Sac Bee]...

Zack And Shiancoe Make A Porno
You realize of course that this was inevitable: A Canoga Park, Calif., adult studio has made an "exclusive performance offer" to Minnesota Vikings tight end Visanthe Shiancoe, and already has a specific film project in mind....

Star-Tribune Columnist: Ask Not For Whom The Dong Tolls
The Minneapolis Star-Tribune writer who scored an interview with Visanthe Shiancoe on Monday was pretty much just covering her beat, as it turns out. Meet C.J., gossip columnist and unofficial nudity reporter, who happened to see Shiancoe exit a limousine at Trocaderos Restaurant, and got the first ...

The PLAYOFF Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals
Of all the pictures taken during The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals' NFC West-clinching "win" over the St. Louis Rams on Sunday, that one there is my favorite. It is somehow perfect that, when the Arizona Cardinals won their first division championship since 1975 (the year I was born!), the ...

Visanthe Shiancoe Becomes A Big, Bright, Shining Star
For the second Sunday this season I received a text message regarding an unlucky football player's unleashed member. Granted, KOGOD's "Locker room cock pic. Any thoughts?" message was less frantic than poor Tanner Cooley's after his brother's unfortunate slip-out, but it was still memorable in the s...

FOX Broadcasts Some Viking Locker Room Dong
Thanks to everyone that sent us pics of this. It's hard to get emotional about Vikings head Brad Childress' son going into the Marines when there's all this flaccid black cock staring me in the face. Pretty sure Heidi Klum has the same problem when she's taping Project Runway, but we're getting off-...

Federal Judge Blocks NFL Suspensions
Have you made your NFL picks for this weekend? (Just for fun! No money, right?) You might want to hold off on a couple of those games, since a few of the rosters won't be finalized until a judge makes up his mind about the suspensions of the six players who received four-game bans for using an illeg...

NFL Suspends Six Players Under Cover Of Night
So while the rest of the sports world was preoccupied last night with sweatpants and second helpings and trading contracts (and also some things are not related to Charlie Weis) the NFL decided to hide another little nugget of fun in the 6:00 p.m. news dump. Six players—including half of the Minneso...

Newspapers Are Revelant And Helpful, Particularly If You Like Ike
On Thanksgiving morning, I picked up a copy of the Columbus (Ga.) Ledger-Enquirer, the daily paper round those parts. I did it out of habit; I was eating an English muffin and needed something to do with my other hand. Whatever your thoughts about the newspaper industry, I think we can all agree tha...

This Is How Quickly A Game Can Turn
Last night, after a ridiculously silly personal foul penalty by Benny Sapp kept a Chicago drive alive, the Bears found themselves at the one-yard line with a 7-3 lead late in the first-half. A field goal would have given them a nice advantage heading toward halftime, while a touchdown would have put...