mlb Page 396 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Felix Hernandez Just Threw A Perfect Game Against The Rays
On Monday, our man Tom Ley wrote about Felix Hernandez, the big-game pitcher who's been deprived of big games because he plays in Seattle. "No one calls him clutch," he wrote, "because his teams have been too wretched to give him even a chance at being clutch. But clutch isn't always about rising ...
Melky Cabrera Tests Positive For Testosterone, Is Suspended 50 Games, Can Still Win The Batting Title
The Giants' Melky Cabrera wowed us this year. That doughy loser who couldn't cut it in New York or Atlanta managed to hit .346/.390/.516 in 113 games, and for good measure, he won the All-Star Game for the National League. But that will be all for him in 2012, because Cabrera, MLB says, was pumped f...
Taylor Grey Meyer, Who Kindly Told The Padres To "Suck Her Dick," Is Here To Answer Your Questions
Everyone, meet Taylor Grey Meyer. Taylor, meet everyone. Taylor is the overqualified, underemployed 31-year-old who applied 30 different times for various jobs with the Padres, getting rejected or ignored each time. When they tried to hit her up for $500 to attend a job fair, she snapped and fired o...
This Hiroki Kuroda Scouting Report Is Apparently Brought To You By His Frustrated Wife
As seen last night on the YES Network. Although, after his two-hit, complete-game shutout of the Rangers, opponents are hitting just .215 against Kuroda at Yankee Stadium....
Hey, Look, The Boston Red Sox Are Smearing Their Manager Again
The Red Sox stink. This we know. They are 57-59, fourth place, the whole thing. Why they stink is not quite as clear. Cody Ross and David Ortiz are the only position players who have hit especially well, and no one (save, uh, Scott Achison) has pitched well. Does anybody know where Dustin Pedroia an...
Whither The Melkman
Batman is a man who dresses like a bat. Spider-Man is a man with the powers of an arachnid. Aquaman is worthless and should have been kicked out of the Superfriends a long time ago....
Important: <em>This</em> Was The Worst Play In The History Of Baseball
I was encouraged to see Dan take such a bold stance in even entering the A.J. Pierzynski Groundout Debacle of 2012 as a contender for Worst Play in the History of Baseball™. However, there really is no debate when it comes to this. It was actually another former San Francisco Giant, Ruben Rivera, ...
Rajai Davis Goes Above The Rogers Centre Outfield Wall For A Home Run-Robbing Catch
There's a very good chance you've already seen this play from yesterday afternoon, but I'm posting it here a) on the off-chance it has slipped your attention and b) for posterity's sake because holy shit, Rajai Davis! It was a play some Blue Jays fans say they've never seen before, an outfielder sca...
Felix Hernandez, The Big-Game Pitcher Who's Never Pitched In A Big Game
Since his first full season in 2006, Felix Hernandez has been one of baseball's best pitchers. He's accumulated 34.5 fWAR, which puts him behind only Justin Verlander, C.C. Sabathia, and Roy Halladay. You can also find Hernandez's name near the top of the list in most every other meaningful statisti...
Is This The Worst Play In The History Of Baseball? AJ Pierzynski Scores From First On A Groundout
In the bottom of the seventh of yesterday's game against Oakland, White Sox shortstop Alexei Ramirez hit a grounder to the left side of the infield. Third baseman Adam Rosales and shortstop Cliff Pennington both went for the ball. Meanwhile, White Sox catcher and notable asshole AJ Pierzynski took o...
Let's Play Stack The Cans On The Passed-Out Phillies Fan
It might be one of those summers in Philly for the first time in several years, but don't think for a moment that folks at Citizens Bank Park aren't still enjoying themselves. Some have too much fun. Others know when one more is always a good idea. Then another, and another......
It Sounds Like Braves Broadcaster Joe Simpson Wants To Beat Up Someone On Twitter
A Joe Simpson was arrested earlier this week for DUI. A Joe Simpson is the color analyst for Atlanta Braves games on SportSouth. These are different people, albeit both celebrities in some way. It seems an individual on Twitter mixed the two up, taking the Hollywood Joe Simpson's offense and attac...
It's Official: Watching The Cubs Goes Hand In Hand With Getting Punched In The Balls
Fans of the Cubs have been saying it for years, and while we've always believed it to be true, we never had any actual proof. But there it is....
The Baseballs In College Summer Leagues Appear To Be Juiced
A lot of college baseball players don't go home for the summer. Instead, many make their way to tiny dots on the map like Falmouth (Mass.), Celina (Ohio), DeLand (Fla.), or Quakertown (Pa.), to play in one of a handful of summer leagues....
The Red Sox Are Losing Because John Lackey Likes To Double-Fist Beers, Writes Moron
The Red Sox lost a baseball game last night, dropping their record to three games below .500, and you know what that means, don't you? It's time for some dumb columnist to turn into Carrie Nation and throw some shit at the wall. CSN New England's Joe Haggerty did just that when he published this ar...
Miguel Cabrera Can Jump
We told you back in January about the, um, heavy record he's devouring pursuing, but Miguel Cabrera reportedly lost anywhere from 20 to 50 pounds before the season began. And it shows! Just look at him sky for that ball that caroms off the backstop! Chris Stewart never had a chance....
Cubs Trainer Mark O'Neal Suffers Mid-Game Middle Finger Sprain
The Cubs ended an eight-game losing streak last night by dispatching the Reds, but it seems not everybody in the organization was happy. Here's trainer Mark O'Neal telling slugger Alfonso Soriano exactly what he thinks about Soriano's fouling a pitch off right in O'Neal's direction. (Soriano later ...
"I Would Like To Extend You A Counter-Offer To Suck My Dick": A Rejected Jobseeker Sends The Padres The Best Letter Ever
Taylor Grey Meyer estimates that she applied for a job with the San Diego Padres at least 30 times since moving to Coronado, Calif. Initially, in the sales office; but as she was alternately rejected and ignored, she lowered her sights. This past March, she applied for a minimum-wage job selling tic...
Old Man Bobby Abreu Is Heading To Triple-A
Bobby Abreu, designated for assignment by the Dodgers after the trade deadline, agreed today to join the Triple-A Albuquerque Isotopes. He probably doesn't mind all that much, because he'll still make the $9 million the Angels guaranteed him back in 2009. Maybe he'd feel embarrassed being released f...
Chipper Jones Complained On Twitter About The TV In His Hotel Room, And Someone From The Front Desk Came Up And Fixed It
We thought we were too cynical to ever again believe in sports the way we did when we were kids. We thought we could never unquestioningly adore and glorify an athlete, knowing what really goes on. But then we met Chipper Jones's Twitter feed. Larry, Jr. tweets in backwoods gibberish overflowing wit...