nes Page 430 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Big Ten Divisions To Split Up Michigan And Ohio State; 7th Seal Opened
AIR RAID SIRENS! STORIED BUT INSUFFERABLE PROGRAM NOT GUARANTEED TO FACE EQUALLY STORIED, EQUALLY INSUFFERABLE RIVAL EVERY YEAR! [Washington Post]...

FAVRE GIVES FAVREXCLUSIVE FAVREVIEW, SAYS FAVRESOLUTELY FAVRETHING
His eyes have been a little dry lately, and he's probably going to get them checked out. Other than that, he's cool. The end. [FavreHouse]...

Now We Know Where MLS Stands In The Sports Pecking Order, And It's Not Pretty
The KC Wizards are forced to reschedule a game because the semi-pro Kansas City T-Bones need the stadium for a Northern League playoff game that night. Let's hope the new date doesn't conflict with any 4-H meetings. [KCWizards.com]...

The University Of Miami's Jose Canseco Arrives, Shocks No One
Nevin Shapiro—an alleged Ponzi schemer and ex-University of Miami booster—is threatening to publish a tell-all book about the program. It'd be like that movie The Program, but with less James Caan and more fiduciary malfeasance. Or something along those lines....

Does This Boxer Fake Injury To Avoid Fighting?
Let's take a look at the first round of this junior-welterweight bout pitting Jeremy "Hollywood" Bryan (13-1, 6 KO) vs. Daniel "Phantom Injury?" Mitchell (5-1-1, 2 KO) in Newark, NJ....

Everybody Needs To Stop Talking About The Cubs' Future For A Few Months
After Lou Piniella announced he was retiring after last Sunday's game—fittingly, it was a blowout—the Chicago and national media started yammering on about who would replace him, and What It All Means For The Cubs. Please make it stop....

I've Never Seen Four Effeminate Filipinos So Excited
You think you were thrilled by Miss Philippines making it to the top 15 of the Miss Universe Pageant? Try these four. Sorry ladies, I know you like a guy not afraid to show his emotions, but I don't think they're interested....

Terry Francona: The '94 Strike Is The Only Reason Jordan Returned To NBA
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: former His Airness manager and current Red Sox skipper Terry Francona....

Hungover Owls? Hungover Owls.
Sports, schmorts. Gaze upon all that is wonderful, all that is right, all that is Hungover Owls. You can finally retire that Tumblr you never update because you're not doing better than Hungover Owls....

Intern Horrors: Being Inducted Into The Klan At A Single-A Game
Welcome back to Intern Horrors, and we're back with more stories of boneheadedness and bosses degrading their most under of underlings. Today: unintentional racial insensitivity strikes minor league baseball, naked Don Zimmer, and so much more. Do it to it....

Spider-Man 2: Yet Another Japanese Outfielder Makes Incredible Catch
Mere weeks after introducing the world to the original Spider-Man's home run saving grab, it happens again. Same ballpark, same teams, same pitcher on the mound....

Al Michaels And Cris Collinsworth Are Far Too Aware Of The Spread
Can we drop the charade and acknowledge that the only people watching the fourth quarter, third stringers of a preseason game are degenerate gamblers? The announcers analyzing a "meaningless" safety certainly knew how to play to the crowd....

Hire Ryno Now. I insist.
I've already admitted my Cubs fandom to you. So bear with me having to instantaneously share this info (H/T Tomuban) with you ......

Can You Catch A Foul Ball While Carrying Concession Stand Food?
Probably not. We'll second The Fightins' description of this play by a Phillies fan as "the coolest foul ball catch you've ever seen." He should date Sara Saco. [The Fightins]...

LeGarette Blount's Punching Problem
First there was this one. Then there was this one. Now, College Football Talk reveals another time Blount's temper was channeled through his fists. There's a good chance Blount's first career rushing stat in the NFL will be for -15 yards. [PFT/CFT]...

Percy Harvin Collapses, Has Name Changed
Vikings all-everything Percy Harvin, suffering from a migraine during practice, vomited on the sidelines and collapsed. He was taken to a nearby hospital by ambulance and caused ESPN copy-editors to miss a typo which referred to Harvin as "Migraine." H/T six tipsters....

How To End A Relationship Via One Half-Assed Marriage Proposal
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Brett Favre's Press Conference, Remixed Flatulently
Brett Favre held a press conference today to officially announce he was returning to the Vikings for one more failed Super Bowl run. While he discussed the physical toll that the game has taken on him, it became clear: Brett's really old....

White Sox Beat Writer Goes Nuts On Minnesota
Sun-Times reporter Joe Cowley is a homer in a city of media homers. But his Twitterrhea explosion last night against the Twins and their fans was something else. Stereotypes about being ugly? Calling players jag-offs? Mocking the dead? Check, check and double-check....

BRETT FAVRE UPDATE... From A Man Riding An Elevator In Edina, Minnesota
Reader Alex Quigley bumped into Captain Croc Shot this morning in a Westin Hotel. He files this exclusive report....