nes Page 498 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Nothing Says "Sloth" Like A Long College Football Saturday
As has been established, tomorrow is a day for much gluttony/sloth/greed/skinny ladies' head in the box: seven pretty outstanding college football games. And no, we're not referring to Syracuse-Illinois. We are actually offended that the game is on television....

The Closer: The AL Central, As Written By The Coen Brothers
Notes from a day in baseball:...

Fast Times In The AL Central
We can't imagine what it must be like to be a fan of an American League Central team right now. (Unless of course you're an Indians or Royals fan, in which case you've certainly moved on to the unparalleled bundles of joy that are the Browns and Chiefs.)...

Kornheiser, You're Being Glib
We mean no offense to Redskins fans, but when your owner is hosting Tom Cruise in his luxury box — when he's staying at your owner's house — we kind of think that maybe you deserve to lose....

One Last Victory Lap For A Deadspin Hall Of Famer
Ask yourself this: Would you sacrifice 1/17th of your yearly salary in return for one full day of irresponsible drunken sex with on a cruise ship, with the finest multiple partners that money can buy? If you answered yes, congratulations: You can hang with Fred Smoot....

NFL Pants Party: NFC North
We do the riverdance, a manly dance, through the NFC North, land of paternity suits, custody issues, nude assistant coaches, Brett Favre and, of course, sex boats....

Hall Of Fame Inductee: Vikings Sex Boat
Presenting the next member of the inaugural class of the Deadspin Hall Of Fame ......

NFL Pants Party: AFC South
Because the season starts, oh, tomorrow, we figured it was probably time to start laying out some of the predictions for you, division by division. So here's a quick roundup of predictions from around the series of tubes we call the Internet....

Blyleven Isn't Out Solving That Thing; He's F—-ing It Up
You know, it's a sad day when a broadcaster can't let loose a couple of "fucks" on the air without getting suspended for it....

Deadspin HOF Nominee: The Vikings Sex Boat
It's rare that a big sex scandal involving players happens in the middle of the season, but, then again, not everyone can be the Minnesota Vikings. The sex cruise (for rookies!) last season derailed everything then-coach Mike Tice had planned — whatever the hell that was — and supplied countless ane...

One Probably Should Have Done This A While Ago, We'd Think
If you are rubbing your eyes, not quite believing that this picture is actually what you think it is, do not doubt your lying eyes: This is indeed a shot of a guy fumigating the Minnesota Vikings locker room....

Dwight Smith Has Seen 'Unfaithful'
And he's evidently a big fan of the scene that takes place in the stairwell, because police cited him for something that may have been quite similar on Saturday morning. The Vikings safety was cited for "indecent conduct," and so was the young lady who was with him, for something that was going on i...

Texas Sold A Lot Of Stuff
The Texas longhorns have set a new NCAA record for merchandise sales. A football national title, a baseball national title, a very good basketball team, and Vince Young can do that for you, I guess. The school made $8.2 million in royalties last year....

NFL Season Preview: Minnesota Vikings
We are officially less than a month before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting ...

Willie McGinest, Logic Monolith
This picture of new Cleveland Browns defensive end Willie McGinest — by the way, did you realize where Browns training camp was? Berea! — shows him wearing No. 55, the number he has worn since he played for USC more than a decade ago....

Urine Taints Marion Jones' EPO Sample
The Washington Post is reporting that Marion Jones failed a drug test at the U.S. nationals earlier this year. The test turned up a little erythropoietin, or EPO, as the cool kids call it. If her 'B' sample turns up the same thing, she's looking at a two-year ban. I'll give you a few minutes to reco...

NFL Season Preview: Tennessee Titans
We are officially less than a month before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting ...

Koren Robinson's Expensive Night Out
You might remember, during "Monday Night Football" a couple of nights ago, broadcasters Joe Theismann, Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser were praising oft-troubled Vikings wide receiver Koren Robinson for his triumphant return after years of alcohol abuse. Theismann, in particular, talked about Robins...