nes Page 502 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
You're Doing A Heckuva Job, Ticey
Imagine, if you will, Ron Artest blasting fans for getting in fights, or Damon Stoudamire organizing a protest against High Times, or Fred Smoot screaming at those who would use contraptions to "please" two women who happened to be lying prostrate on the deck of a boat. Hypothetically speaking....
Fred Smoot Is Depressed
Well, here's a surprise: Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot has had a little different first year with the Vikings than he initially thought he would. (Not to be crude, but, uh, "holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women" is a phrase tha...
Ben Troupe Will Do Anything For His Teammate
Well, we're two months in, so we suppose CBS Sportsline's rad, dope, duuuude "SPiN" section was due for a worthwhile story. Though it's not the same since they made E-Mack! go back to his Christian name. And this morning, we have to admit, they've got one: All respect....
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
To Watch Tonight...
• NFL. Atlanta @ Chicago. If you'd like to watch a quality football game sometime over the next 36 hours, I suggest you enjoy this one. The Monday Night game is Baltimore vs. Green Bay. • NHL. San Jose @ Anaheim. It's always fun when Original Six teams go at it. Wait, San Jose and Anaheim weren't Or...
Clearing The 1 o'clock Table...
• Chargers 26, Colts 17. This advice may be a little late, but I really think Tony Dungy should've rested people this week. • Pittsburgh 18, Minnesota 3. Pretty poor performance at home today by the Vikings, especially in a game they needed. They went down like Bryant McKinnie. • Seahawks 28, Titans...
Pittsburgh Leading The Other Relevant Game
The Steelers have a 7-point lead in the only other relevant game being played at 1 o'clock. Ben Roethlisberger scored on a 12-minute 3-yard touchdown run for the Steelers....
Setting The 1 o'clock Table...
• San Diego @ Indianapolis. Today, they settle it once and for all: Manning or Leaf? • Pittsburgh @ Minnesota. It's too bad that Minnesota only plays once today, because Fred Smoot really prefers the doubleheader. Major playoff implications here. • Arizona @ Houston. Because Christmas is a time when...
Your Takes On The Sex Boat Wrapup
We love doing this site, but, to be honest, what we might love the most are you, the readers. Your comments are the highlights of our days, and not just because you're funnier than we are. We thought we'd take this opportunity to showcase our personal favorite slices of hilarity from today's earli...
How Much Would You Pay To Read This Man?
Earlier this year, The New York Times caused some controversy when it switched much of its online columnists to its TimesSelect feature, forcing you to pay for certain columnists like Maureen Dowd and Frank Rich and so on. (You might not have noticed, because even though they put the sports column...
The Full Report On The Sex Boat
So, hey, anybody else actually dug into these whole Vikings criminal complaints, the ones The Smoking Gun grabbed? If you haven't yet, we suggest you do, because it's even more entertaining than you thought. But, we understand, you're very busy at work today. So allow us to help you out. We've dug...
Sex Boat Case Sails Off
It's a sad day when you can't take your rookie teammates out for a little Lake Minnetonka party with a bunch of whores. This goddamned Internet is invading everybody's privacy....
NFL Roundup: Bengal Breakthrough
• As Arizona Cardinals fans, we always wonder what the day will be like when, after years of torture, our team finally breaks through and shows they're serious about this whole winning business. It must have been that exciting for Bengals fans yesterday. Realize: A baby born the last time the Beng...
Blogdom's Best: Tennessee Titans
It might not — yet — have the online fanaticism and cachet of baseball, but the NFL and its fans are starting to catch up in the world of team-devoted blogs. To this end, Deadspin salutes these modem-addled souls and proudly presents Blogdom's Best, given to the most outstanding blog for each NFL ...
University Of Miami: Complete Assheads
In one of the more ridiculous travesties of justice we can possibly think of happening on a college campus — save for maybe Nick Lachey living with Matt Leinart — the University of Miami has kicked blogger Kyle Munzenrieder out of campus housing after he posted a two-year-old rap song from Miami f...
Apology Fashion
Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer — still lamenting the poo Alabama took against Auburn on Saturday, we're sure — points us in the direction of Jemere Hendrix, a University of Tennessee basketball player who was kicked out of school in October for being busted for marijuana possession. That seems like a...
Closing The Dorm Room Door
Well, we've been observing with much amusement — and a little fear — the ongoing aftermath of SeventhFloorGate (not the catchiest name, we admit). As nicely wrapped up by Sports Media Watch, it appears to be a big moral issue for Pat Forde and ESPN.com, and that's about it. No one else seems to be...
Rock Me Like An Extreme Weather Pattern
Well, it might be easy for Larry Coker and his Miami crew to hide from us, but it's not as easy for them to hide from ESPN. (For now.) Now that the moralists at the worldwide leader (and the AP) have picked up our bit about the Miami football team's rather intense rap, all kinds of heck is breakin...
The Ongoing Popularity Of "The U"'s Rap
For anyone who might have doubted the authenticity of our frightening Miami gangbang rap song post yesterday, Hurricanes wide receiver Sinorice Moss confirmed it for us today in his ESPN chat....
Targeting Jittery Ballplayers
One of the most common emails we receive around here is a request to look further into the rampant use of amphetamines in Major League Baseball. We don't think this is because fans necessarily care, mind you. We just think fans think it's funny to imagine all the favorite players all jittery and j...