ow Page 925 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Samuel Eto'o Saw Wayne Rooney's Excellent Goal And Did The Opposite
Inter Milan's Samuel Eto'o managed to hit the crossbar from about four yards away from the wide-open goal, with just a few moments left in the match. His team trailed Juventus 1-0. That's how it ended....
This Was The Day Snow Dong Evolved Into Snow Tits
Here's the subject line of an email sent by tipster Kadinsky of Milwaukee: "I see your snow dong..." The point comes into focus after the ellipsis: "and raise you a pair of snow tits. with sculpted bush." That's all you had to say, MF....
The Cleveland Cavaliers Are On A One-Game Winning Streak
Your morning roundup for Feb. 12, the day Mars-commute impregnating became a non-starter in the name of continuing the colony....
The Lawyer Suing The NFL Over Super Bowl Seats Thinks $5 Million Probably Isn't Enough
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: people don't want another Super Bowl trip. They want cash money....
Everyone's Talking About Harry Baals
The Fort Wayne city government is renaming its government center, and its residents have demonstrated an overwhelming preference to honor former mayor Harry Baals (now pronounced bales). This is making for some excellent TV news reports, all compiled above....
Tiger Woods Is Having A Great Time In Dubai
Your morning roundup for Feb. 11, the day the White House has to play whatever cards they have left…...
Listen To Jim Gray's Awful Super Bowl Sign-Off
Jim Gray delivered the Super Bowl sign-off for Westwood One Radio. It was already quite the piece of work, but adding the "Rudy" theme song really just brought it to another level....
Zurich Soccer Fans Are Enthralled By Gene Simmons's Tongue
Your morning roundup for Feb. 10, the day we regretted the harm our actions have caused our family, our staff, and our constituents....
The Super Bowl Almost Broke Twitter
"[In] the final moments of the game, fans sent 4,064 Tweets per second – the highest TPS for any sporting event... Twitter users shattered that record six times over the course of the game." [Twitter Blog, Wired]...
"Dear Pathetic, Ignorant Twats": The Duke/UNC War Of Words Heats Up
It's an annual tradition for the editors of the Duke Chronicle and the Daily Tar Heel to exchange trash talk letters in advance of their schools' first matchup of the season. We got them both, and boy, do the young minds of Tobacco Road have a way with words....
Real American Fans Shut Out Of Real American Event Do Real American Thing And Sue
Somehow two silly displaced Super Bowl ticketholders and their eager lawyers managed to devise a lawsuit just as profoundly stupid as Dan Snyder's. They're seeking more than $5 million from the NFL, the Cowboys, and Jerry Jones personally. Why?...
Beer Commercials' Real Target Audience
Tom Scocca explains that all-male, groin-punch-infested beer ads are designed not for adults but teenage boys. Apparently, boys go to great lengths to procure beer. Who knew? But Scocca, like us all, still can't comprehend the Pepsi Max spots. [Slate]...
The Pittsburgh Paper's Solution For Shut Out Super Bowl Fans Is One Big Conflict Of Interest
Yesterday, an unsigned editorial ran in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, decrying the NFL's offer of compensation to those fans whose Super Bowl seats were unavailable, and demanding that the league pay them as much as $50,000 each. The editorial failed to mention that one of the people affected by the ...
A-Rod Gets Upset Over Popcorn Shot In Most A-Rod Way Possible
Believe it or not, Alex Rodriguez reportedly "went ballistic" after finding out that Fox ran this loving moment with girlfriend Cameron Diaz during the Super Bowl. He accused the cameraman of being "out to get them in a paparazzi-like shot," which, according to Bill Zwecker's source, is crazy becaus...
Iowa City Arsonist Witness Looks Remarkably Similar To The GEICO Caveman Guy
Police in Iowa City, Iowa are on the hunt for an arsonist who allegedly burnt down an apartment building a week ago. As a few tipsters have shrewdly pointed out, the prime witness in the investigation, and the possible suspect, bears a striking resemblance to the caveman from those awful GEICO comme...
Michael Vick Gets Key To Dallas, Shit From Owner Of His Former Pit Bull
Michael Vick had a long week in Dallas. At first, he was maybe hosting a party with a SWAT team and its own trailer that eventually got called off and that he had "no intention of participating" in anyway. Luckily, Vick's personal mentor Tony Dungy canceled the party....
Christina Aguilera Is An Anti-American Slut, According To Pro-American Internet Commenters
"I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place," Aguilera has explained about last night's blunder. "I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through." Sure, fair enough. Now let's check in with Real Ameri...
A Comprehensive Guide To That NFL Commercial With All The TV Characters
One of the best ads on last night's broadcast was for the NFL itself, in which they digitally inserted jerseys and logos into TV clips of yore. But the cuts were too quick to fully appreciate. Here's an annotated guide to the fake people inside your television, and their allegiances....
Guns N' Peas Is Where The Trajectory Of Man Began Its Steady Decline
So the Black Eyed Peas covered "Sweet Child O Mine" at the Super Bowl last night, with Slash helping out on guitar. First of all, FUCK YOU SLASH. You just spent the last bit of goodwill you earned from NOT being Axl. Secondly, the journey to our eventual self-extinction has begun....
Counterpoint: But People Look Really Sad When They Can't Get Their Super Bowl Seats
This young cheesehead cried (video here, H/T reader Patrick) when he, along with 399 others, could not get into last night's Super Bowl. He cries for the others, young and old, left out in the Arlington cold. They will leave Super Bowl XLV with $2,400, tickets to next year's Super Bowl, and nothing...