ow Page 988 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Mike Blowers Knew You Would Read This Post
Journeyman everything Mike Blowers spent 11 years in the majors, but he should've spent that time in Vegas instead because the guy is scary good at predicting the outcome of baseball games—right down to the pitch counts....

A Children's Treasury Of Men Getting Blasted In The Face With Champagne
Grown men who play professional baseball like to celebrate momentous victories by furiously shaking bottles of Champagne and spraying other grown men in the face. It's such a rich tradition that we've made a happy little gallery. Enjoy!...

Dirk Nowitzki's Boys Are Now Swimming At A Doggy-Paddle Pace
Dirk vows choose a better receptacle in the future: "My sperm is getting slower,'' he said, grinning. "(So) eventually, I've got to trust somebody.''[DallasBasketball]...

Lions Fan Enjoys Historic Victory Sans Pants
Detroit fans have suffered through eons of metaphorical de-pantsings, so it's understandable that a few dudes attending Sunday's monumental victory would look to continue the tradition by literally dropping trou during a drunken game of grab-ass....

The Poise Is Back In Town
Another week, another victory for Mark Sanchez, another opportunity for New York Times Jets writer Greg Bishop to limn the quarterback's lukewarm heroics with his favorite word. You know the one....

Your Late Games Open Thread
In future NFL bust news, Tim Tebow has been released from the hospital and is heading home. In current NFL bust news, most of you get to watch either JaMarcus Russell or Cedric Benson. [Florida Times-Union]...

Respiratory Illness Will Not Slow Tim Tebow
In case Florida fails to crush another mediocre SEC opponent tonight, Urban Meyer can safely recycle his flu excuse. Sickness has ravaged the Gators, including Tim Tebow, who flew to Lexington on a separate plane last night. [Dr. Saturday]...

Browns' No-Nonsense Rookie Apparently Not Familiar With Concept Of "Prank"
Rookie Coye Francies turned punchy yesterday after fellow teammates playfully dowsed him with a bucket of ice. Abram Elam deflected Francies' blows before Shaun Rogers managed to pull the rookie out of the locker room by his shirt.[ESPN]...

Cowboys Repent For "Party Pass" Hell (Sort Of)
We reported on the special circle of hell the Cowboys reserved for their Party Pass holders on Sunday. Almost a week later, Jerry Jones is finally owning up to the mayhem which, in Jerry's defense, made the record books....

Pats' ESPN Ad Deal A Conflict Of Interest, Reports Newspaper Whose Parent Company Owns Share Of Red Sox
"The Kraft Sports Group, which owns the New England Patriots, is selling local advertising for the new ESPNBoston.com, a partnership that some media analysts say could create a conflict of interest." [Boston Globe]...

Looking Cool Will Get You Fined
The No Fun League slapped Sheldon Brown with a $10,000 fine for wearing this sweet Friday the 13th mask instead of a boring football helmet onto the field last Sunday. So much for individuality. [ShutdownCorner]...

Has Mark Whicker Taught Us Nothing?
"The nightmare of 9/11 will live forever in our minds and memories."...Yes, this is how a high school football game story begins....

Sean Salisbury Gets The Final Word. I Think.
I was as riveted/disturbed as most of you were by the real-time temper tantrums of former ESPN football analyst Sean Salisbury and the ensuing potential legal ramifications of such an event. It's new territory for everyone. But Sean insisted....

People Can't Stop Remarking On Mark Sanchez's Poise
A headline, in our newspaper of record: "Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez has already shown the poise of a more experienced player." And the story refers to Sanchez's "poise, pocket presence and decision making." That's two more for our collection. [NYT]...

Wait, Someone Sort Of Likes Phil Mushnick?
Mediaite's Katie Baker gives what-for to Mushnick, the New York Post's sports media critic and insufferable morality pimp, but she also admits to giggling at his "meow-y media criticism." [Mediaite]...

Fancyman NBC Columnist Would Like To Teach “Boorish” Jets Fans Some Manners
Michael Ventre has made a career out of condemning the sinners of sport with his fancy moralizing. But many feel his latest screed— "Fat, Boorish Jets Fans Have a Slovenly Coach to Match"— may have gone too far....

$1.3 Billion And Not A Decent Boiler In The Place
Giants LB Danny Clark: "There's not a lot of hot water in there. (Jones) cut some corners in the bathroom there...It was lukewarm at best." [Newsday]...

You Will Physically Flinch While Reading This Story
See those four things over on the left? Those are fasteners. They should be clamped on to dumbbell bars, and not your penis. One poor soul missed that memo....

Sean Salisbury Continues Threatening Email Tirade (Finally, Last Update)
I assume he's recently purchased an iPhone. He's emailed more since the post went up. I would turn this into a live blog but he says the next people we'll hear from will be his lawyer. There will be blood....
